Idiot...
I live in Slebsville and scootering to work I'll often encounter a tramp-like Helena Bonham Carter, a half-pissed Hugh Laurie and maybe a Gallagher or two standing menacingly by the school gates.

But it was another member of my local celebrity crew that really showed himself up one morning.

I was happily tootling along on my trusty Vespa, when I had to slow down for a huge, black with blacked-out windows Audi Q7 (look the fucker up if you wanna see what an absolute Cuntmobile this car is).

This 'car' had slowed to a complete halt in the middle of the road, so I made a move to swerve around the right-hand side of it. A bad move as it turned out. As I endeavoured to pass the beast, it too decided to swerve to the right, with no indication at all. I screeched to a halt and narrowly avoided slamming into the side.

Utterly incensed and filled with the kind of confidence that only comes when wearing a full-face helmet and steel-ribbed gloves, I pulled up to the driver's door of the 'Sports Utility Vehicle' and banged on the window.

The tinted glass whirred its way down. The driver kind of leaned out holding what looked like a photograph.

'Haven't you got any fucking indicators,' I yelled at him, 'you almost fucking knocked me off my bike!'

Having vented, I felt my rage ebbing away and as I waited for the driver to reply, I took a long hard look at him.

'Er...sorry mate,' the driver replied, 'it's a new car...not sure where everything is yet.'

Fair enough. At least he apolgised. Then I looked again at what he was holding - it was a small, black and white, signed picture of himself.

'What's that for?' I asked

'Oh, I thought you were another one after an autograph.' he wittered.

Then it clicked. It was only that cunt Jude Law. Moron thought I'd stopped him for a fucking autograph.

'Autograph? Learn how to bloody drive.' I shouted as I pulled way, adding for good measure: 'And you were SHIT in Star Wars!'

My own idiocy hit me a few minutes later.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 14:03, 11 replies)

I don't believe it.
There's no way you'd make a mistake like that. Up until that point, it was genuinely believable. Still, clicked for cuntmobile. They really are.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 14:13, closed)

Yeah but no but yeah but
the windows were tinted so the scooterist couldn't see in, AND the poor bloke'd just nearly been totalled. So he wasn't really in a sleb-spotting frame of mind.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 14:52, closed)

Precisely ^ ^

( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 14:55, closed)

Elementary
my dear Dr Watson!
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 14:56, closed)

I really want this to be true.
Remember- every qotw lie kills a fairy.
( Tab Hunter Make this useless process end and so, begin again, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 15:03, closed)

But it is tru...!
How can I prove it? I can't. But I can give you the full address and postcode of each of the slebs mentioned, I see most of the fuckers everyday.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Fri 9 Oct 2009, 16:02, closed)

Yes please
Can I have Hugh Laurie's or even better can you tell me where I can run into him when he's half pissed or better yet completely pissed (not that I'm the sort of girl who'd take advantage of a man when he's drunk but for Hugh Laurie I'll make an exception).
(mmm....beer, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 0:14, closed)

Certainly...
[REDACTED]

When he's in the UK he can often be found rattling the shutters of the local offy at 10.00am, demanding they open up and serve him.

Failing that, you could seek him out whilst collecting his son from school (name and address of school witheld) at 4.30pm. Mr Laurie will sometimes travel back from said school one of those kiddy scooters.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Mon 12 Oct 2009, 10:10, closed)

wow
He's actually that much of an alcoholic? Apparently he's a lot like House in many other ways too (substitute vicodin for vodka) - the reason that House uses his cane on the wrong side is that Hugh refused to do it the right way. Luckily I'm not the stalker type or you'd be reading about me in the papers in a few weeks time, although if you'd told me the pub he hangs out in I might have popped in once on the off chance and then turned into a gibbering wreck if he was actually there.
(mmm....beer, Tue 13 Oct 2009, 20:32, closed)

Hugh Laurie
makes girls' panties spontaneously evaporate.
And makes men turn spontaneously gay.
He's that good.
(TheWonderfulWombat It came to me in a dream., Tue 13 Oct 2009, 1:55, closed)

This is a very recent effect
He wasn't the sort of guy you'd give a second look to when he was in Blackadder but he's aged like a fine wine (which apparently means become more alcoholic and make women want to take their clothes off).
(mmm....beer, Tue 13 Oct 2009, 20:33, closed)