Drunken Lies
When I’m drunk, and I get chatting to a girl, I inevitably end up lying about what I do for a living. So far, I’ve been:

- A dolphin trainer. This went down very well, especially when I told her that the dolphin I was responsible for, ‘Little Jacob’, had been orphaned by his mother, and that he now saw me as his parent. I made up a few hand signals and lied, saying “When I do this, he gets a ball”, etc.
- A Sex Toy Salesman.
- Guitarist in a band called The Racist Vicars. Strangely, they never question the name of the band
- A professional footballer

However, the latter nearly backfired somewhat, when the girl I was chatting up, asked what team I played for.

“Reading”, I replied, not thinking that she would ask further questions.

“Oh, my Dad’s a director there, what’s your name?”, came her reply.

And to that, I replied, without thinking, “Shaun Goater”.

“I’ll ask my Dad if he knows you”, said she.

I am white, just over 5ft tall and I hate to think what her reaction was when she went home the following day and spoke to her Dad....
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 15:27, 7 replies)

I love the fact
You mentioned 'Shaun 'Lenny' Goater.

Brilliant.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 15:56, closed)

I never thought I'd see the day
LIES ABOUT LIES!
( Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 16:05, closed)

Good Band
The Racist Vicars.
(SonoraAeroClub "OH SWEET HELEN OF BALLS!", Thu 10 Dec 2009, 17:18, closed)

I prefer
their earlier stuff.
(salvadorevincent, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:44, closed)

Similar yet different...
A mate of mine did that at uni...

We had to do this whole speed be-friending thing, like speed dating but trying to me everyone. In the couple of mins you had, the only questions that ever get asked are like where are you from, what degree are you doing etc. My mate got bored and just started making things up. My favourite was...

Random: Hey, what's your name?
Mate: Noah
Random: Cool name. What you studying?
Mate: Architecture and Animal Psychology.
Random: Wow, didn't realise they offered those courses here. You must have to do like loads of maths for that.
Mate: Well the two times table comes in handy, but everyhting else is fairly standard.
(satanstolemyteddybear Mu hõljuk on angerjaid täis, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:09, closed)

I just laughed and tea came out of my nose. Now people are looking at me funny.
(bigjonnydynamite, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 11:17, closed)

Hehe i kinda of know the directors daughter, her name is Camilla, I used to see her in the purple turtle in Reading a lot....nice girl. You could of picked a better player than the "Goat" he was completley useless!
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 16 Dec 2009, 11:38, closed)