my mother
Ah, the 80s. When I was at school, there were strict regulations about what was cool and what was not. if you wanted attractive girls to acknowledge your existence, or to avoid daily bullying, you had to have Farah trousers (or golfing jumpers), Sergio Tacchini or Kappa tracksuit tops and Puma trainers.

I begged my mother for such things but she naturally pointed out that being a badly-dressed geeky nobhead was character building and that girls would like me for my personality (was she ever young?). So instead she used to buy me rip-offs from the local street market and tried to convince me that they were the same thing.

I recall having a golfing jumper manufactured by Gino Ginino or Paolo Bidet or some such shite that was to Farah what a skateboard is to a Ferrari. I looked like Ronnie Corbett and was laughed put of school. But I was soon back with a pair of Puna trainers, which looked ever so like Puma trainers if you squinted and pretended you were braindead. And had never heard of Puma.

But the nadir was when she bought me a pair of real (second-hand) Farah trousers - only ten sizes too small and in the colour "dysentery." No problem - using her seamstress skills, she cut out a triangle of material from the back and inserted a black triangle of elastic so that they would fit my waist. And make me look like a fucking retard.

It's her fault I was a virgin until I was 21.
(frankspencer, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:19, 10 replies)

Mr Witch feels your pain
his mother was obviously cut from the same (cheap) cloth. Adidas "Woolies" ring any bells? Just like the real ones, but not leather and with four stripes instead of three. He was working by the time we met (thankfully) and had slightly better clothing!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:29, closed)

Christ on a bike!
My mother made me wear some hand-me-downs and other hideous shit. I think there is even photographic evidence somewhere of me wearing a home-knitted (by my gran from a pattern in Womans weekly circa 1963) green cardigan to a SCHOOL PARTY.

But never, ever did they subject me to the outright ridicule that you describe. You poor poor bastard, you have my deepest sympathy.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:35, closed)

When I was at secondary school in the early '90's
it was all about having a "kicking pair of trainers". The taunts about my Hi-Tech silver shadows still haunt me today.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:39, closed)

Woolies' sneakers
weren't they called Winfields?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:46, closed)

Monty
you're right - I'd forgotten that. Luckily, I never owned a pair, having a fairly brand-aware Mum who didn't mind spending the extra money to avoid teenage misery.
Don't remember Farah trousers though - where I grew up (yes in the eighties) it was Stay-Press (or something like that)
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 4 Jan 2008, 16:55, closed)

My mum had no idea either.
"Oh mum, I like these Nikes. Can I put my birthday money toward them"?

"Oh but they're so expensive! Why can't you buy a pair of these DonkeyTurd trainers instead, they're a really good make. I bet ###'s mum likes them"
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 4 Jan 2008, 17:24, closed)

Been there
My mum knitted all my jumpers etc, trousers hand made, shoes from Bacons ("Bacon Boots")
But did I care ?

you bet I did.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 5 Jan 2008, 16:58, closed)

this is what turned me goth!
Well...one of the reasons anyway!

My mother used to dress me and my sister in nearly matching *shudders* jogging suits til we were far too old - my sister's was yellow and had 'LEMON' (yeah, in the 80's when lemon meant lesbian, and she constantly had the piss taken out of her ) emblazoned on it, I was slightly more lucky in that mine was only orange.

Our other 'choice' of clothing was cerise jogging suits....

Luckily, I had two older brothers, one who was nearly as short as me, so while he was off yomping in the Engineers, I used to nick his jeans and stuff (I remember desperately trying to get my size 5's to fit in his uber cool size 8 bondage boots...hehe, he still doesn't know that)
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 10:06, closed)

i trully sympathise
in my teenage years i always wore the same few jeans and sweaters that i found cool..quickly changing clothes at the back of the bus on the way to school

I also managed to make mum buy some nice trainers by Hoaxing her into the fact that i wanted to start a new sport every year: handball, volleyball, basketball..(obviously no football or rugby)
( olivier8 (euroloon), Mon 7 Jan 2008, 11:22, closed)

OH MY GOD
The black elastic triangle ALSO must have made it exceedingly easy for the school bully to access your y-fronts for wedgies!

That story made me laugh aloud AND wince, all at the same time!

BRA-FRIKKIN-VO!
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Mon 7 Jan 2008, 19:04, closed)