Always the organizer, never the pisshead
For the last decade or so, it's come down to me to organize the office xmas do. I've got this down to a minimum of fuss; essentially get a couple of the younger women to do the decorating, as my sense of aesthetics is pretty lacking and they seem to enjoy it. Stick on the same 300-song playlist. I order in the nibbles, wine, glasses, ice etc from the same companies I've used for the past n parties, and set up my desk as the bar, and serve people drinks all night. I have a few myself, naturally, but always stay sober enough to be able to pour straight. Consequently, the most exciting thing to happen to me personally was have a colleague grind her arse into mine (and several other mens) crotches, but I've seen a few other things...

1) Accountant got pissed and forgot about the concept of toilets. Opened up the window (4th floor) and pissed onto the street from there.
2) I once hired 2 bar staff to do the drink-serving instead of me. I said they could help themselves to a couple of drinks if they liked. One got thoroughly pissed, basically joined the party himself as a guest, started smoking indoors, wouldn't stop drinking when I suggested he'd had enough, got more and more obnoxious... eventually we kicked him out without paying him. Silly twat.
3) Have had a couple of extra-marital tawdry affairs start at office parties. Only witnessed the initial flirting and the leaving together, rather than the affair itself mind. More's the pity.
4) Had a regular associate make his excuses and leave as "he'd better go an untie the girl in his dungeon". This wasn't a joke; he's really into that kind of stuff. He had been at the party for 4 or 5 hours, the poor/lucky girl, depending how you look at it.
5) Seen a 50+ year old woman flirt utterly outrageously with an 18 year old lad. Stopped short of actually fondling his wang, but frankly she may as well have done.
6) Seen a colleague have to be physically restrained and dragged home before he shagged the boss's wife.
7) Seen the same woman burst into tears in a fit of self-hatred, every other year. Usually after speaking her mind to someone important, then it was probably a mistake.
8) Had the same gay man try it on with me every year. Always maintains that the only difference between a straight man and a gay man is "about 8 pints", so I don't think he's going to give it up.
9) Watched a hilariously painful and squeamish scene, when an older chap brought together a girl and guy and gave a matchmaker speech, saying what a wonderful couple he thought they'd make, and why don't they think about getting together, unaware that they'd previously gone out and split up in less than amiable circumstances a year or two before, and had being trying to avoid each other for the entire party.
10) I can't just leave a list at 9, now can I? Hm. Well... er... I'm pretty much out of embarrassing anecdotes worth repeating, but this ones interesting to me at least: I suspect I might almost be 'in' with a lesbian. I mean, she's a lesbian, so probably nothing in it, but she basically hangs around me almost the entire time at these things, talks pretty vividly about her sex life (and complains about the lack of it), draws attention to her boobs and how her outfits never quite fit because of them, tousles my hair every so often... maybe I'm just her new SBF, but still, it's nice to think about, if only for the ego boost :)

Merry xmas, you bunch of filthy bastards.
(nobuttocks last besmirched the internet on, Mon 22 Dec 2014, 17:43, 7 replies)

A bit of work with an apple-corer, and you'll be right in.

(speedevil, Mon 22 Dec 2014, 19:52, closed)

you sound very dreary deary

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 22 Dec 2014, 21:51, closed)

You take Office Christmas Party very literally.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 23 Dec 2014, 9:58, closed)

RE: No. 10).

Fucks sake Man, enough furtive tugging under the desk. Put your penis inside her vagina, that should sort out for once and all whether this "Lesbian" you speak of, is actually a "Lesbian", or in fact a hot slut who wants the full force of your massive cock, stroking hard inside her, pounding her pliant, moist hole without remorse, your hard length sending her into screaming fits of pleasure, and at last, you pull out at the vinegar stroke, grunting as you spew hot ropey spurts of cock vomit all over flabby hairy covered gunt and onto her strangely man-like moustache.
( Ken Oath, Tue 23 Dec 2014, 12:30, closed)

Thanks for that, Ken.
I'm utterly spent, now.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 23 Dec 2014, 14:12, closed)

No worries, anytime mate.
( Ken Oath, Tue 23 Dec 2014, 14:30, closed)

You hussy, you!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 23 Dec 2014, 16:16, closed)