Thanks Resident Loon, just remembered (decided to tell) this heart warming Christmas story.
I must have been about 3 perhaps 3 and an half and to be honest I knew about Santa (The GPO used to have recorded messages you could ring to absolutely prove his existence) but not really very much about Christmas I cannot even remember being excited about Christmas. However, this year would not change that at all.

Some ungodly hour I was awake, but nothing special as I was always an early riser but on this occasion the rest of my family were also awake and were actually downstairs before me.

They said, "You know Santa delivered presents last night?"
I said, "Yes, I can see my bulging sack (probably didn't say that)"
"Well" my father says, "he has left you a message"
"WHHAAAAAAAA!" I cry.
"IN the kitchen," says Mama

Into the kitchen and my brother points at the kitchen roll holder. On the kitchen roll is written a message.

Dear Miserablist bastard (not my real name which is Nob Fartbelm)
I could not get your present into your sack as it is too big. I had to leave it outside in the sandpit. I hope you enjoy this special gift. Yours etc. etc. Seasons greeting, Father Christmas.

Wow, you can imagine my excitement. Outside I go and there in the sandpit is the biggest Tonka toy (possibly not the biggest) that anyone had ever seen. It was a Dumper Truck. Words cannot describe my happiness and that I still believe in Father Christmas to this day but accept that I am always naughty and that is why I never get cards or presents, not even from mother.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 24 Dec 2013, 17:36, 5 replies)

I'm not surprised, my mother would have severed all contact too if I started buying her sexy underwear.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 24 Dec 2013, 19:57, closed)

Ho,
I'm not surprised my mother would have severed all contact too if I started buying her sexy underwear.

What I buy for her birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day and Christmas are of little concern to - oh wait. I probably should not mention doing so on a web site, comedy or other wise.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 24 Dec 2013, 21:05, closed)

Everything you've written recently
seems to be designed to break the brain of the reader.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 24 Dec 2013, 23:12, closed)

Yes, no - groovy
xox
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 25 Dec 2013, 15:39, closed)

World's worst gravy.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 27 Dec 2013, 0:39, closed)