Karaoke Pilot
On my first day of university some years ago in Middlesbrough (the center of the universe), I went to a local pub with my friends. A was in a good mood and smiled to the man stood next to me at the bar. He laughed a sort of James-Bond-villain-laugh and told me I was lucky to still be alive. He had a shaved head...

Went to a pub the other day and karaoke was on. We thought "great! karaoke[1]", then realised it was a 40th birthday party - a function room[2] full of people who looked happy, but with a hostile undertone. We stayed for a bit anyway. We decided no one would notice if we helped ourselves to the buffet[3] so we got stuck in. My girlfriend got up to sing karaoke, to my delight. We were sat watching her, laughing away gleefully, when all of a sudden a big fat woman stood right in my line of sight and starting doing what I can only describe as Sexy Dancing[4]. I turned to my friend, shocked, and we both burst into laughter. There was sort of a shared understanding that we were laughing at the fact that she'd not only blocked the view, but had blocked the view by Sexy Dancing in a floral dress. Anyway, she vaulted across the room and flying kicked me on the arm. I stopped laughing instantly and said "what did you do that for?" She said "you were laughing at me!" I panicked and said "No I wasn't!"
To my surprise she completely changed tone and said (100% genuinely) "oh, I'm sorry...oh I'm really sorry, that's awfully rude of me". I said "whatever" and turned back to my pint of Carling[5]. Then I thought 'wait a f**king minute!' - no, knowingly sitting in someone's seat would be rude, I don't think there's a classification for fat ladies in floral dresses flying kicking people.
So anyway, my girlfriend came back and I relayed the story. She said "who the f**k was it? Point to her!". I said "no, darling, that's common".

I did once drop my phone in a urinal then wash it and make a phonecall - that's pretty common.

valoukh.



[1] Karaoke is common.
[2] Function rooms are common.
[3] Surely it's common eating someone else's buffet?
[4] She even ran her fingers through her hair, like Britney Spears or something. Sexy Dancing is common, especially if you're not a dancer, and absolutely when you're massive.
[5] Cheap.
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 14:10, 1 reply)

Is this post
a joke?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Mon 20 Oct 2008, 15:02, closed)