My ickle sister
My little sister probably picked up some bad habits from her friends but her worst sin in my eyes is her misuse of bread.

She had lived with my parents for a while on her own as both my older sister was at uni and I was abroad. When I came back temporarily while I sorted myself out, it became quite obvious that my little sister had become a bit spoilt, and basically ran roughshod over my parents and did what she liked.

One thing that really annoyed me though, was at dinner time. When we used to sit down at the table she would appear when called for dinner with a large bottle of ketchup and some buttered slices of white bread.

It wouldn’t matter what we had for dinner, she would have those particular accoutrements. I remember when we had delicious fillet steak cooked rare by my mother, with salad. Superb. What did my sister do?

She picked up the salad with her fingers and lobbed it into the bread basket. She then covered half the plate with ketchup. Not only did she do that, but she did her trick of using her knife and fork to cut up the steak. Dispensed with the knife, and used her right hand to hold a fork to manipulate the steak, and her left hand held a buttered white slice of bread like a plate.

She then used bread as cutlery.

She skidded the piece of steak through the ketchup, then scooped it into a corner of the bread, and then ate the morsel with a corner of bread. When she had finished with the steak and still had some ketchup smeared bread left, she tossed the bread into the pile of ketchup left, slew it around the plate, and then lifted it up and crammed it into her mouth.

I was pretty much open jawed during this performance and asked my parents if she was allowed to do that. My parents said she was.

I pretty much left home after that.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:43, 7 replies)

How old was she?
...
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:49, closed)

^
17 years old.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 10:59, closed)

Oh shit!
I was expecting you to say nine, maybe ten...

That's fucking awful.
( Cawl, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:06, closed)

^
I know. She's in her second year of medical school now but still has the social graces of a Komodo dragon.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:33, closed)

a komodo dragon
has better table manners than this

it's just plain wrong and disgusting

a slice of bread is ok with some food, but it's the cutting it all up and then discarding the knife bit that gets to me

a lot of merkins do that...

*tries to control rage*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 13:24, closed)

Indulging little sisters
From an early young age my youngest sister would eat "seafood sauce" with absolutely everything. This concoction, pronounced seed-food sauce, was a 50/50 blend of tomato ketchup and salad cream, pre-mixed in a squirty bottle, and she would liberally douse every meal, no matter how inappropriate we deemed her smelly condiment to be. I think she may have grown out of it now, though.

My other sister would hold her fork with her index finger on the back of the prongs, and was never corrected. She's now 29, and still eats that way in polite company.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 21 Oct 2008, 11:41, closed)

The last line
serves as an excellent coda. Top marks, mofo.

*click*
(and a pony was dug everybody's got something to hide, Wed 22 Oct 2008, 1:52, closed)