The correct use of the words "Premier League muppetry" in a letter of complaint
You might remember my epic letter of complaint to a car hire company on the B3ta links page a few weeks ago in which I asked for a refund on a car that fell to pieces around my ears over the space of a week's rental. Needless to say, they didn't write back, so before I go and crap through their letterbox (it being the only language these curs understand), it's time to get to the point.

Dear Managing Director of Useless Vehicle Rentals

I note your employees have chosen to ignore my last two letters of complaint to your company regarding the poor condition of the car you rented to me back in June.

You may remember that it leaked oil, the brakes failed, the radio didn't work and the car only had three hubcaps. A week of hassle-free motoring was, in the end, a drive into frustration, further expense and blood-curdling terror.

To get to the point:

- I reject your hilarious offer for a massive 10% off my next rental, because that's never going to happen

- I ask for full repayment for the oil I put into your car. You still owe me £8.99

- I ask for a full refund on the rental because, frankly, that car should never have left your forecourt

You appear to have people in your employ who think that Premier League muppetry is a perfectly acceptable way of dealing with customers. This being the case, [name removed]' loss is U-Drive's gain.

Yours etc

S Duck
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:06, 4 replies)

Just read the original letter
Can't believe I missed it! It's gold! Clicks for missing out on "little old ladies fleeing running away muttering something about the Blitz"
(MrNorm, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:27, closed)

I've got one to the Post Office coming up
...and Morrisons. Bastards, the lot of them.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:35, closed)

Smashing! I love a good old rant to these corporate wankheads!
I've done ones to Southwest Trains (who made me 3 hours late by telling me the wrong train info), Virgin Media (for laughing at my mum when she downgraded due to redundancy), Orange (for fucking up my contact, 3 times this year), My neighbor (For putting notes on my girlfriends car accusing her of abusing the disabled for parking outside her house.. On the road)
(MrNorm, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:37, closed)

SW Trains
Did you get a £15 voucher? You always get a £15 voucher from them.

Royal Mail = Book of 10 first class stamps
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:40, closed)

Nope! The bastards!
Basically, I was with my now ex in Winchester and there were rail works going on at a station down the line, so I was first advised to get a rail replacement bus (... yay).

Upon getting near the bus, I was asked where I was travelling by someone else and they advised it was SO MUCH quicker to travel to Hook, get another train somewhere else and then to my final destination, Portsmouth.

Turns out, that was bollocks because the station before my final destination also had works, so I had to get a SLOWER rail replacement bus, sit next to a big fat fucker (who squished me against the window) and get home 3 hours late.

Response from SW? We want times and receipts and names of who told you that. Basically translates to "only a mental would tell you to do that" .. Correct SW, correct.
(MrNorm, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 14:52, closed)

Yeah...
I learned to hang on to tickets if I got grief from SW Trains. Proves to them you're not some sort of chancer.

One on occasion, an entire replacement bus service full of passengers spent a charming trip to Basingstoke writing out near identical letters over our shoddy treatment. Result: £15
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 17:04, closed)

I've just been ringing them asking for a slightly damaged KA
the poor sod on the reception in Weymouth sounded very frustrated.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 2 Sep 2010, 15:03, closed)

Haha!
"Can I have the one with random braking abilities?"
(MrNorm, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 15:07, closed)

I mentioned premier league muppetry. I encourage everyone to bombard them with calls.

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 2 Sep 2010, 15:12, closed)

Please don't annoy them
I'd rather like to go through life with both my kneecaps
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 15:29, closed)