Stranger's Spit
I asked for a half at a bar recently (NOT girlie, I was driving) and the barman proceeded to let some of England's flattest, rankest cider dribble into a glass like an Olympic marathon runner's post-competition drug testing sample. It took about 5 minutes to get half way up the glass while I looked on, incredulous.

"Hmmm" says he, and tried another glass, like that was the problem. I've never worked behind a bar but I reckon most people would assume, as I did, that the barrel needed changing. No, not this guy. He half filled another half pint glass very slowly and presented both glasses to me.

The look on my face must have told him something, but clearly what it told him was different to what I was thinking (stupid face). He picked one glass up and took a sip then plonked it back down on the bar. "There you go, it's fine, just a bit flat."

Me: "Well, I don't want that one, for starters!" I said.
Him: "Why not?"
Me: "You just drank out of it."
Him: "So? I'm clean." He managed to look offended at this point, as if his enzymes were crafted from the finest cocoa rich chocolate with a taste to equal ambrosia (the god stuff, not the rice pudding) "OK, You can have it for free."

Like that's what I was after.

WTF? He looked shocked when I walked off, like he couldn't understand how I could turn down a free drink.
Mind you, I was tempted.
(el_t, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 18:32, 10 replies)

i hate people like that
whether they think they're cleaner than an angel's mimsy, i don't fuckiung want their germs
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 18:42, closed)

How clean *is* an angel's mimsy, though?
As far as I'm aware they're constantly getting violated by demons in acts of wanton interracial lust, and demons can't be clean.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 19:00, closed)

Preacher's not real you know.

Mind you, all that fire in hell must burn away most germs. A bit like nuclear powered Domestos.
(el_t, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 19:13, closed)

tbf, it could have been the glass - if it's still got detergent on it, that will stop the drink fizzing
not to excuse the skanky barman's skankiness though.
( spesh., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 19:16, closed)

If you were ordering fizzy cider...
...you kind of lose by definition. Draught cider is meant to be flat. May I recommend the fine products of Mr Henry Weston as an example?
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 19:36, closed)

I brew my own cider
And I make it fizzy on purpose. Very nice it is too, unlike Old Rosie, which can only be really compared with Listerine, or paint stripper.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 20:04, closed)

Oh, come, come
If you want to compare a real cider to paint stripper, surely the most deserving candidate is Broadoak Moonshine. Kind of like apple-flavoured meths.

And yeah, you're right, you can have genuine sparkling cider - though generally in bottles rather than on draught. I'm struggling to think of a sparkling real cider that's regularly served on draught in pubs.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 21:16, closed)

Strongbow :P

( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 8 Sep 2010, 22:43, closed)

It was a rugby club bar with only one choice, I was lucky it wasn't Woodpecker.
(el_t, Wed 8 Sep 2010, 21:26, closed)

i like woodpecker cider, it's not too dry and not too sweet
it's a hell of a lot better than wrongbow
( weaver., Thu 9 Sep 2010, 2:58, closed)