I totally sympathise with your situation
I got married to a woman who was, at the time, slightly overweight. She used to get a lot of stick from her mum about her weight, and she got very depressed about it. The subject of her weight became a totally taboo subject for us as she would just clam up and burst into tears.

As time went by, her weight began to spiral. She went from a size 12 (when we met) to a size 22. Honestly, she was fucking huge. Very little exericse, and a crap diet didn't help. She became incredibly lazy. I ended up doing a full day's work and then coming home and doing most of the housework - despite the fact that she worked (occasionally) from home. I'd always tried to be supportive, and on the very rare occasions she mentioned losing weight I offered to help her and encourage her. Needless to say a diet never lasted more than a day or two.

Meanwhile things were heading downhill in the bedroom department. She thought I was going off sex, but to be honest I was just going off sex with her. I just wasn't attracted to her any more. Rolls of flab just don't do it for me I'm afraid.

That was just one of a number of problems (her constant criticism of me and erratic and sometimes violent outbursts being the other main ones), and we separated a year or two back. We both have new partners, and we're both now very happy. Well I certainly am anyway.

I do sometimes look back and blame myself for not having the courage to talk to her about her weight. She's still huge, and there are umpteen potential health issues associated with obesity. Although me and her are finished, she is the mother of my kids and I wouldn't want anything to happen to her. Perhaps her new partner will get her on the right track. I hope so - for her sake, as well as the kids.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 27 Aug 2010, 10:30, 1 reply)

Honestly...
...I wish they were size 22. They're both 26/28.

Also, the "clam up and burst into tears" reaction is all I ever get when I try to offer help my sister. The whole family worries about her. We've tried weight watchers, curves for women, we bought a treadmill, hell, we even signed her up for lap-band surgery but she couldn't lose the 20 lbs to make the surgery possible.

When I mention to my mom that she should try some of these approaches herself, she rolls her eyes and says "It's different. I'm middle aged."

I feel bad for my dad sometimes. Mom looked like a model from the 1960's when the married.
(Audienda, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 17:09, closed)

How blunt are you with them?
I know it is exactly what you don't want to have to do, but how blunt have you been with them? Would it be worth the tears and hatred short term to just tell them pretty much what you told us in your post - you feel they are hugely overweight, spiralling out of control and you feel they really need to do something about it as you are genuinely scared for their lives?

There may be a lot of tears, and they probably won't want anything to do with you if it works, but they need to realise, and if doing it that way lets them realise then it must be worth something.

Good/bad idea?
(442, Sat 28 Aug 2010, 1:51, closed)

what about writing it all down in a letter
rather than confronting them face to face? That way they can digest the information in their own time. I don't expect they would read it and go on an immediate diet but it might give them food for thought ('scuse the pun) and start them thinking about things from another point of view?
(TheFlyingOnion. looking forward to, Sat 28 Aug 2010, 15:57, closed)

Why don't you just put rat poison in all the fatty food
Eventually a pavlovian response may take over.

Alternatively mock them continuously, until they are angry enough to chase you. Keep this up for one hour a day and it will count as exercise for them.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:03, closed)