I think it's well past time...
...that I confessed something. Not because it's been weighing heavy on my conscience - because I don't have one - but because I need to prompt those too stupid to have worked it out by now.

Many years ago, I dated someone in the same profession as me - we were in the same industry, but had different job titles.

Oh, he was amazing - really good looking, 6'5" tall (and so very well hung), witty, charming, intelligent. (I have to admit that I was so loved up, when he gave me that look that turned me on so...well, a little bit of wee came out. Every time.) And I wasn't exactly too shabby, either. Although my looks have faded somewhat over the years (I'm still nice to look at, even if that's the only thing I'm nice for these days), and my tits now polish my shoes, back then I was just incredibly beautiful. And intelligent, too - I speak four languages. We seemed to be the perfect couple. I have never, ever been so in love - not before, and not since. And I thought he felt the same way, too.

But he dumped me because, apparently, I was "a psycho". I was absolutely devastated. All the plans we'd made for our future together, all the things we were going to do together, all the places we were going to visit together. All the adventures we were going to have together. All gone.

But I had a plan to get him back for breaking my heart. And because I wouldn't act on it for many, many years, it would have that much more impact.

I told anyone who'd listen that I'd been raped. But here's the really clever bit - I didn't name him as my attacker, not publicly. I just 'let it slip' that it was him to a few close friends, who believed me. And we agreed that it would do far more damage to him to reveal his identity indirectly, as that way the question of his guilt or innocence could never truly be known outside those who actually knew that he didn't rape me at all.

I did all the ground work, spreading the rumours through my friends so that I could never be quoted directly by those not in on it. It took a while, but it worked better that way. It made it look like I was telling the truth, or at least that the truth was being told on my behalf.

I waited years for my opportunity to tell the world my lie without actually having to tell them - quite literally playing the victim, and never commenting on it either way so that my lie could be told without any real consequences for me. Ah, the loopholes of the British system of law - absolutely delicious. Put very simply, I (very indirectly) got someone to blab for me and try to act innocently as if it was just a slip of the tongue, and then I just sat back and watched as the furore exploded around me.

It was incredible to watch. The rumour spread like wildfire. Very quickly, but also very slowly, my former boyfriend's life crumbled around him - his career as well, but I wanted to destroy his LIFE. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to end up taking his own life, and for the questions never to be answered. I was also amazed to see that there were other allegations popping up out of nowhere - almost as if they were breeding like rabbits - from women as desperate for the attention as I was. And you know what? I didn't begrudge them that. I didn't mind one little bit that they were trying to grab my limelight, because they were strengthening my case to be believed, and causing more questions to be asked.

I saw the effect it had on him, and I was pleased. Smugly so. I still am. It went even better than I had ever dare let myself dream. I had destroyed him. I had ruined his life. To this day, there is still a massive question mark over him. He actually went to court over the other allegations...he wasn't charged, but so what? Mud sticks.

And stick to him it still does, despite him being 100% innocent of what I accused him of. We don't want to disbelieve someone who claims to have suffered rape...I think it's natural to believe a story like that. Because it happens to so very many people - from all walks of life - most people will believe that there's no smoke without fire. Whatever happens, I look as innocent as this man really is. The beauty of it is that no-one will ever know...

Christ, that feels better. I can't believe I was able to leave it this long before I told people about it.

But I need to go now; I'm actually away on business as you read this, but I'm leaving a friend with instructions to post this on my behalf in case it's over the next couple of weeks that 'confessions' is the Q.O.T.W. I suggested it on the board quite some time ago, but it might not get picked as I think it's been done before.

But I just had to get this off my chest. Like I said, not to ease my conscience, but because I've been dying to tell people how I ruined this bastard's life for...well, about 7 or 8 years now. I just couldn't hold it in any longer.

And do you know something? I'd love to be able to say that I'm sorry - just to appear human.

But I'm not.
(UlrikaJonsson is, perhaps, the single biggest cunt of all time, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 21:10, 23 replies)

Thought you were a psycho, eh?
Yep, you showed him alright.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 23:13, closed)

^This^

(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 23:35, closed)

I have several problems with you.
Speaking as a sexual assault survivor, you disgust me.

This isn't a laughing matter! Every time somebody like you makes up a story like this, the credibility of the rest of us goes down. It's hard enough to deal with this kind of thing (as you would actually know if you actually lived through it instead of being a lying poser) without having people think to themselves "Oh, I bet she's just crazy." or "I bet she just decided she didn't like him".

The fact that you could just make something like that up, to ruin somebody's life while making ACTUAL RAPE SURVIVORS look less credible, shows that you are completely devoid of any shred of human decency, emotional depth, and compassion.

He was right. You ARE a psycho. And you were right. Showing some remorse would make you seem human. But you didn't, so I guess you aren't.

I bet if it really happens to you you'll feel less like boasting about this.
(Audienda, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 0:43, closed)

out of interest, did you notice that with precisely no other posts whatsoever, the account would seem to have been made solely to answer this particular question? Have another look at the username. And the sig.

Not in the best possible taste, granted - but not entirely serious either, and would actually appear to making the same argument as you (albeit in a slightly less direct manner).
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 2:18, closed)

Mea Culpa
I'm not up to date with popular culture. My bad!
(Audienda, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 4:03, closed)

I'm glad someone spotted it...
I was thinking of creating the profile as SwedishWeatherGirl, but I thought that even that might have been too vague for some people. (Lots of nice Easter eggs though, don't you think?)

I posted this because I used to be friends with someone who had exactly the same thing happen to him - albeit on a far more local scale. I'm not friends with him any more, because he's actually a cunt, but even he didn't deserve that. And if I told you WHY she did it to him, you'd never sleep again.

False rape accusers are just as bad as rapists themselves. And it seems to be the fashion these days. Been dumped, or have you cheated on your boyfriend and been found out? Just want some attention? Then try the all-new solution for instant sympathy - cry rape.

(I once went out with a woman who lied about her previous boyfriend raping her. I tell you, believing that shit fucks your head and destroys your soul. Seriously, it very nearly finished me off. And I gave her more attention than she knew what to do with...she's just a cunt. I'm just glad I found out she was lying, though it took me forever to twig it.)

The same goes for 'people' - and I hope you notice that I'm using the term as loosely as possible - who lie about their partners hitting them, or even worse, abusing their children. No matter how innocent someone is, there's always someone stupid enough to believe even the most obviously fabricated story.

And, yes, genuine victims are now subjected to even further scrutiny because of bitches like Ulirka-ka-ka-kunt. No wonder so few genuine victims bother to report what's happened to them.

And no, I'm not John Leslie anonymously trying to get his own back - that man has held himself together in a way that defies belief, and demands the greatest of admiration. Ironically, I never thought much of him before. Probably jealousy over him fucking Catherine Zeta-Jones. But I'm not jealous of him any more. The poor bastard.
(UlrikaJonsson is, perhaps, the single biggest cunt of all time, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:21, closed)

Most sexual assault victims survive.
Unless I get carried away and strangle them in my enthusiasm.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:19, closed)

a classic
pity no-one's noticed yet.
(cypherspace is not a toaster, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 1:24, closed)

It clicked at the third line,
But I'm sorry to say I can't quite place it.....


Aah, that's better.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 8:58, closed)

Thank you. Shame I can't take credit - all the posts on my regular account are shit.

(UlrikaJonsson is, perhaps, the single biggest cunt of all time, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:23, closed)

Ulrika-ka-ka...
Carries gaffa tape in her bag
Ulrika-ka-ka
In case her boobies start to sag
( brown-wings Made with three kinds of butter, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 9:23, closed)

This is truly horrible
I genuinely do not know how you can sleep or live with yourself.
(libraryboy Cheer up, you could be french!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:59, closed)

I suspect the money from Shooting Stars helps.
I'm genuinely disturbed by how many people replying here haven't worked out that this post is satirical.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:34, closed)

Mmm, me too.

(UlrikaJonsson is, perhaps, the single biggest cunt of all time, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:23, closed)

So is this John Leslie getting his revenge anonymously or what?

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:19, closed)

I thought it was about the footballer
who beat her up in public.
(ParaSitius is an Optimistic Pessimist, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:34, closed)

Congrats.
You've managed to show us exactly how not to deal with a breakup. Nutter.

Edit: Bollocks, clocked the username and the article. Bastard.
(MrNorm, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:32, closed)

Lot of people not getting the joke here, I feel

(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:41, closed)

Although 'joke' might be a bit of a stretch...

(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:42, closed)

You fucking bitch!
I had an ex who did this shit to me. Not to the point where the police were involved but she told all her friends.

It has fcuked with my head for so long. It destroyed all my self confidence and esteem. It got so bad that I would litteraly run away from any girl that chatted me up. I had a dry streak that lasted over half a decade and I still have issues when it comes to one night stands that mess me up.

People like you are a disgrace to the human race.
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:15, closed)

Read the username and sig, dummy!

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 1 Sep 2010, 15:18, closed)

Aren't jokes (even satirical ones)...
Meant to be funny?
(libraryboy Cheer up, you could be french!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:39, closed)

It's not meant to be a joke. Far from it.
It's meant to highlight the plight of people falsely accused of awful shit like that, and that it in turn makes things even MORE difficult for genuine vicitms.

I think the very fact that some people have jumped on this post without looking at the username or the sig, just proves my point.

I mean, for fuck's sake, if people are prepared to read through a long post like that, but not even look at who they're responding to, is it any wonder that women like Jonsson are so readily believed?
(UlrikaJonsson is, perhaps, the single biggest cunt of all time, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 17:48, closed)