Insurance company
Some of the posts here reminded me about an event from some years ago. I was taking part in an insurance audit of a factory in Louisiana, working with 2 folk from an insurance company and 1 fire consultant. We worked extremely hard all week - very long days, working evenings and late into the night as well. After we'd finished and presented our report we felt free to relax, and thought we deserved a bit of a blow-out. So we headed to New Orleans.

The insurance company guys were hosting the trip, and paying the way for me and the other consultant. So they called the shots: putting us all up in a very good hotel, and deciding that the first call for dinner would be an oyster bar.

So the 4 of us sat in the oyster bar: an insurance guy ordered champage and a dozen oysters each, to be hand-shucked at our table. They do this sort of thing well in New Orleans, and this huge guy in a leather apron with a metal glove on one hand came and stood by our table with a trolley covered in ice and a pile of oyster, shucking as fast as he could and providing salt, lemon juice, etc. We slurped oysters and drank champage while everyone else in the restaurant sat staring alternately at us and their half-dozen oyster plate, which their tour-voucher entitled them to.

From there we went to a restaurant with one of those cast-iron balconies, and sat having a meal of blackened fish and something-or-other with dirty rice, all accompanied by more champage, while watching the crowds in Bourbon Street.

Our insurance host asked the waiter if he knew of any good bars: the waiter dug into his pocket and handed us some passes to a lapdance club. The waiters get paid to do this - and it's always worth asking the waiters to recommend somewhere. So the next stop was the club where we got pushed to the front of the queue and ushered to a table just in front of the stage. The host bought more champage and, after speaking to the waitress, bought us each $200 worth of vouchers - which look just like dollars but can only be spent in the club on drink or dancers.

So we sat there in an alcoholic stupour, watching the increasingly attractive women do their stuff and come and chat to us. I was at the stage of feeling incapable, so declined the offers of private dances and just stuffed my vouchers into the straps of whichever dancers smiled at me. The fire consultant though was completely obssessed with one girl. He bought dance after dance from her, then begged the insurance guy host for more vouchers when he ran out. He was sorely tempted to go to the VIP lounge for a private 'show', but the rest of us convinced him that it wasn't a good idea.

The fire consultant never made it down to breakfast the next day. I had to go and knock on his door when it was time to leave for the airport and he appeared, looking decidedly grey, and also extremely ashamed for his obssession from the night before. I hate to think how much we blew that evening between the four of us, but it all went on expenses for the guys from the insurance company, and they seemed to think it was quite normal behaviour. Now you know why your insurance premiums are so high...
(Smale is stuffed, Mon 1 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)