I love food
I'm the sort of person who will spend all weekend making 'authentic restaurant' curry sauce rather than order a takeaway.

Having the gas hob on for four hours is actually more expensive than a takeaway.

So, 'proper restaurant' curry?

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This makes a large batch of the curry sauce (about 4L) and I recommend you freeze it in 1-pint portions. 1 pint of curry sauce will make two main courses, unless you're fat.

Coarsely chop 3kg onions, and add them to 6tbsp of vegetable oil in your largest pan over low heat. Fry gently for thirty minutes, stirring occasionally, until the onions just start to brown. Add 1 tsp salt, and fry over lowest heat for another 30 minutes. Don't let it stick and burn! Add 6 pints water, turn up the heat to bring to the boil, and simmer for another 60 minutes. Turn off the heat and allow to cool to lukewarm temperature. A couple of pints at a time, food process to make a smooth paste (a stick blender isn't really good enough for this), and set aside.

Roughly chop 12 cloves garlic and 6 inches of ginger, and fry gently in a little oil until soft. Open two 400g tins of tomatoes and blend them to a thin sauce, throwing in the garlic and ginger, 2tbsp of paprika and 2tsp turmeric while blending. Pour it into the cleaned large saucepan with 2tbsp oil and simmer gently for 15 minutes. Add the blended onion mixture, bring to a gentle simmer, and simmer for 90 minutes. Allow to cool and divide into 1 pint portions for freezing.

So, it's curry night and you've defrosted a pint of sauce. Obviously, it can be used in a number of ways, which are mostly twists and variants on the following recipe.

Cooking chicken properly is important and adds a lot of flavour. Blend one peeled onion with two garlic cloves and an inch or so of ginger, until it forms a paste. In a small saucepan, melt 4tbsp of ghee (or butter, if you're poor. If you're really poor, cook something else, scumbag), and fry the paste gently for a few minutes. Add diced chicken (2 breasts or - preferably - six thighs). Cover the pan, turn the heat down, and cook gently for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Set aside while you cook the curry.

(Alternatively, tikka your chicken by grinding together 1tsp each of cumin and coriander seeds, the seeds of 6 cardamoms, 1 inch of cinnamon stick, a dried chilli, 1/2tsp turmeric, 2 cloves and 1tsp of garam masala. Mix it with a little yoghurt and marinade your chicken pieces in it for a few hours. Skewer the chicken and grill or BBQ until cooked).

Finely chop three garlic cloves, a couple of inches of ginger, and chillies to taste (I use at least a couple of small green finger chillies). These are your aromatics.

In a small pan, toast 1/2tsp fenugreek seeds, 1tsp cumin seeds, 1tsp mustard seeds, 1tsp fennel seeds, 1 clove and 1 inch of cinnamon stick. Grind to a powder when cool and add 1/2tsp turmeric, 1tsp garam masala and chilli powder to taste (Indian chilli powder, not the stuff you use for making chili con carne!).

Heat 2tbsp ghee until melted, add your aromatics and stir-fry until fragrant. Add the spices and continue to stir-fry, making sure nothing sticks. Add the cooked chicken, followed by the curry sauce and a wine glass of water if it looks thick. Simmer the whole lot together for about 15 minutes (just enough time to cook some rice!) and top with fresh chopped coriander.

Obviously there are plenty of variants on this. For a dopiaza, fry off a chopped onion before adding your aromatics. Rogan josh - fry some segments of green pepper and quartered tomatoes before the aromatics. For a saag, puree a bagful of spinach leaves and add them with the chicken. Pathia - add a good squeeze of tomato puree (paste) with the sauce, and the juice of a lemon towards the end of cooking. Dhansak - add half a cup of red lentils with the sauce, a little extra water, and cook until the lentils break down. A bit of tamarind towards the end is good too. Madrases and Vindaloos are made by varying the amount of chilli powder - it's boring, but it's true. The spice blend can be tweaked to include your favourites - Methi (fenugreek leaves) are a great addition.The variations are endless - personally, I like a chilli masala, where I treble the number of green chillies in the aromatics and just halve them, rather than chopping them finely.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 18:00, 7 replies)

You need to change gas supplier.
Either that or your take away charges pennies for its food.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 18:18, closed)

I do have a loyalty card...
And I exaggerate for effect.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 18:46, closed)

The effect being to make you look foolish.
Well played.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 18:52, closed)

Hardly makes me a stand-out around here

( ousgg is not seeking approval, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 18:54, closed)

a cunning disguise

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 29 Jun 2012, 19:21, closed)

Better than the cunting disguise
I had to get rid of that one after a polite request from the neighbourhood police.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Sat 30 Jun 2012, 0:18, closed)

I will try this. I'm yet to properly master the curry.
( Kung_Fu_Russ ran out of amusing signatures on, Sun 1 Jul 2012, 6:20, closed)