My grandfather
My granddad, Dilly, was a fantastic guy. An ex WW2 fighter pilot and then vicar. He had endless stories about the war and numerous ones after as well. This is one of the ones that had me and my mates in stitches. If you can, imagine a slighty larger Rowley Birkin QC (http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/fastshow/characters/rowley_birkin.shtml) with all the sound effects.

A good few years back, he was working in his workshop where he was cutting some wood up and my grandmother comes in and asks him to help chop up a turkey.

This turkey weighed 56 lbs.

It weighed this much as my grandfather had got some growth hormones or some weird shit like super streoids for these turkeys and had wondered how big he could get them. Some turkeys have trouble when they get too heavy. these ones didn't. Think something out of jurassic park and add feathers and you're there.

Anyway, Dilly figures that instead of arsing about with a knife it would be far quicker to use his circular saw. Up comes the blade and he fires it up. Half way through and the walls and ceiling are plastered in bits of meat yet he perserveers...straight across his thumb.

Half his thumb flies off, hits the wall and bounces into a big pot of stew my grandmother had left in the workshop before we had lunch.

We found the thumb after going through the stew with a ladle by which point dilly is asking for super glue to fix his thumb.

It was never reattached and he never used the saw to cut food again. We all miss him.


Length? About an inch less by the time he finished.
(71 hour Ahmed wasn't working at, Fri 6 Jul 2007, 12:58, Reply)