Ageing hardman vs recession
I've written about my father before. He's getting on a but now, but in the last recession he was working in the design office of a large engineering corporation somewhere Up North.

Now, my father and I are different on many fundamental levels. I credit him with my innate sense of justice, my inability to tolerate political fuckwittery and hypocrisy. I also credit him with my intellect and natural curiosity. However, one of my less than attractive traits is my seldom aired temper. For example, on Friday night I was cycling home minding my own business when I was stopped by a local chav and his mates asking questions about my bike and where I lived as one of them said he'd come round and nick it. In a snarling (and absolutely heartfelt) reply I told the mouthiest of the quartet that if he did I'd gouge his fucking eyes out.

Anyway, back to my father and the last recession. A colleague of his had been a victim of the spate of car crime blighting the town. The perpetrator had been caught and brought before the powers of justice who merely let him go on account of him being fourteen and having his life in front of him or somesuch.

The sneering teenager walked out of court proudly boasting that he'd not only had my father's workmate's motor away but would be back for the rest of the office car park.

Two weeks later, a rented Transit van screeches to a halt in the outskirts of town and three portly, late middle-aged men wearing balaclavas get out, shouting and eventually bundling a terrified teenager into the back of the van before screeching off in the direction of a local reservoir.

The once sneering teenager is ordered to strip to his underpants before the shortest hardman of the trio grabs him by the scruff of the neck and drags him sobbing toward the water's edge. The humiliated chav is thrown into the freezing water and only grudgingly pulled out once he promises never to cross anyone again.

The unfortunate TWOCer is left knowing in no uncertain terms that if any cars within five miles of the town centre are tampered with, his assailants would be back to do away with him once and for all. A few slaps were handed out for good measure and he was finally released.

Recorded car crime underwent a significant drop that spring.

The moral of this story being - times might be hard, but there are people out there prepared to resort to anything in order to keep what they've worked for.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Sun 25 Jan 2009, 22:52, 8 replies)

Sounds great.
The police and the courts have their hands tied so much with the annoying 'law' thing; most of the crims just need a good kicking.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 26 Jan 2009, 10:58, closed)

Erm....
I don't recall suggesting that I agreed with their actions...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 26 Jan 2009, 11:02, closed)

Oh, I do.
I live in Portsmouth and it's full of little shits that just need a good kicking.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Mon 26 Jan 2009, 12:22, closed)

CLICK
Me too, one of my friends was mugged by a group of little twunts that lived locally, nicked his phone and wallet. We had a word with a close (but less than savory) friend and similar justice metted out. Blue Transit, stripped to pants, left in a remote (outside the M25) area for a couple of hours, picked up taken back to where he was nabbed and left to make his way home. In his pants. Job's a goodun! Now all I need to do is buy up a load of blue Transits and start a hire business.
(UK-Wookie thought dyslexia was a way to insult Lex Yeah, Tue 27 Jan 2009, 21:16, closed)

The tone & writing style gave you away
CLICK
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Mon 26 Jan 2009, 18:56, closed)

Due process
and court procedures are important, no argument there. However, after seeing the laughably short 'sentences' handed out to the ne'er-do-wells, a spot of vigilante justice often does the trick. I think the OP was extreme, but not nearly as terrifying as some of the abuse meted out to the victims of crime.

The shock might just have scared that young lad into taking stock of his situation. Could also have sent him into a very bad place (mentally). Either way I'd say it's safe to assume that the little fucker won't be TWOCing anytime soon


EDIT: Bugger, I thought you were being sarcastic. Why am I so cynical? :(
(blueberrypossum wants to Jaffa your Cake, Mon 26 Jan 2009, 12:19, closed)

Can they come to my school
and do the same with some of my year 5s?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 26 Jan 2009, 23:18, closed)

Can I
Can I borrow your Dad to sort out the bastard that broke my mirror on saturday night?
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Mon 26 Jan 2009, 23:57, closed)