Ethnic English Food

I live above a greasy spoon in Laandan. Its a lovely place which does the best chips, egg and beans in the known universe.

Run by a couple of lovely Greek couple who usually give me a free cup of coffee when I stop by for a chat.

The fella that runs the place was telling me that he noticed the kind of people visiting his goodly establishment were changing. Apart from the usual crowd of builders and bin men, there were now the occasional people wearing their Karen Millen twattery and generally looking as if they were having an enema administered before, during, and after their meal.

'Surely that's all good for business,' says I.

'Well, yes, it is,' says he. 'But the other day I had some cock muncher in here asking if we served authentic ethnic english food.'

'Oh?' Says I, never having heard the term used for a greasy spoon before. 'What did you say.'

He shrugs his shoulders, 'Well, there was only one thing I could do,' he says. 'I told him to fuck off... We dont want his sort in here...'

Call it a credit crunch, call it what you will, but its good to see those posh folk mixing with us lowly bottom feeders.

And its even more lovely to know that us lowly bottom feeders will always have our principles. Skint? Credit crunch? Makes no ends at all if you've never had any cash in the first place.

Mines a chip butty with brown sauce. Lurverly!!!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:27, 25 replies)

I've lived just outside Shoreditch
for ten years now.

The place is almost unrecognisable nowadays. In some ways this is marvellous - I do prefer a top-notch Argentinian steak restaurant to a burnt-out-and-boarded-up shithole, but the upsurge in cretins as described above is becoming almost unbearable.

My favourite restaurant is a Pakistani place in a quiet backstreet - when I first went there it was basically a cafe doing incredible food. They've extended the premises three times and, following one weekend when it was in the Saturday Guardian and then the Observer, the place is a spastics parade of the highest order.

You're getting a mind-blowing meal for around a tenner a head. How fucking dare you complain about having to wait 20mins for a table?


*runs amok with a sword like the 'Croydon Samurai'*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:36, closed)

^^'Pakistani place in a quite backstreet'...^^

Are you Jerry Seinfeld?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:37, closed)

Yes
Yes, I am.


Actually hold on, no I'm not....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:38, closed)

I had to wait two hours for a table once
It wasn't that fun. Food was still awesome though. I particularly like the dry meat.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 10:33, closed)

You live in Faaahkin' Laaaaandaaan...?

fucksocks!

When I read your waxing lyrical about shitey mighty Coventry, I was going to offer to buy you a beer for your prolific excellence on QotW of late.

I was also keen to meet the other Cov city fan...

I'd heard you existed, but I thought it was the stuff of legend.

Now I'll never know :(
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 17:36, closed)

Hey!
I'm the other Cov City fan!
(grandmaswhiskers, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:17, closed)

Woo!

So You're the one that I wave to from the other end of the Ricoh?

I'll meet you in the beer engine after the next home game to drown our sorrows!
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:43, closed)

Shame..
I'm an Manchester ex-pat, so my next game was going to be Burnley away. But because of our 'cup-run' it was moved to a Tuesday night, right in the middle of my am-dram show week. I'm on stage. Bugger.
(grandmaswhiskers, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:30, closed)

No, that's me....
Although I've never been to the Ricoh...(is ashamed)
(Oil Slick, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 21:28, closed)

Beer would be nice
Have to let you know when Im next in the Holy Land...

Yes, I have the misfortue of following Cov City... What a fucking trauma thats been for the whole of my life...

And were at home to Cardiff tonight, and my girlfriends from Cardiff... Could get messy. Shes said I can give her a facial if Cardiff win... Shit... What she doesnt understand is Cov winning at the Ricoh is rarer than unicorn shit...

Reee sulttt!!!! Well, for me anyway...
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:38, closed)

What does she get to do to you
If Cardiff win?

Don't worry, we can rebuild you, stronger than before.
( Cawl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:58, closed)

Finger
my bum hole...

...either way I win! Yay!!!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:11, closed)

Doncha love it?
Here in stodgy ol' Richmond good restaurants are few and far between, as most are either chain restaurants like TGI Fridays or yuppie places that serve exotic-sounding things that turn out to be renamed rare beef and the like.

But downtown is a little obscure hole in the wall that serves the best Mexican food in town, and I go there with my kids from time to time. It's always busy, the food is always top notch, the servers are always pleasant and quick, and overall it's a great place to eat for relatively little money.

I told a woman I know of it and she gave a derisive snort. "That's not authentic Mexican food- the owners are Greek!"

I thought about that for a moment. "So? The food tastes better than the so-called authentic places around town. Isn't that what really matters?"

Pretentious twits. If it tastes good and is reasonably priced, what more do you really need?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:32, closed)

ketchup
you fucking heathen

Brown sauce is a northern condiment so that you cant see the dirt!!
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 18:52, closed)

Nah, matey
brown sauce all the way...

Either that or mayo... Served by a bloke in a tux. In a silver dish. With classical music on in the background.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:12, closed)

bad spanky
Tartare is the new Mayo, served by albinos directly from Vanessa Feltzszsz''sz's'z''zszs clam chowder
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:15, closed)

MMMMMmmmmm
lurverleee!!!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:17, closed)

its where
the unique salty and face rapingly sour flavour somes from
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:20, closed)

Brown Sauce = HP Sauce = Houses of Parliment sauce.... you can't get any more laaaaahndaaaahn than that.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:21, closed)

I like
the way you think!
( SpankyHanky, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 19:47, closed)

What
The same HP sauce that's been made in the Netherlands for a few years and used to be made in Birmingham, or are you saying London's full of foreigners?
(Benzyl, Wed 28 Jan 2009, 23:27, closed)

I have to admit to having been tempted towards the BBQ version in the last week
Having been an occassional fan of HP Fruity lately. But I still love the proper one, obviously.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 8:36, closed)

where are you?
Without wanting to sound too creepy.
I live in Tooting, and we're buggered for a decent greasy spoon. The Polish-run caffs are very friendly and do good random foods, but I long for a decent greasy fry-up of a Saturday morning...
Gaz me if it's near!!!!
Also, Rosa's in Shoreditch was great, I think it was the one Gilbert and George kept saving from ruin, but that closed years ago, finally marking the area as twatville. I miss the old Spitalfields. Having said that, I LOVE Leon. For lack of a fry-up, creamy porridge with grated chocolate will do fine, thank you very much.
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 8:34, closed)

CHIP BUTTY
Sounds like a gay french fry to the rest of the world.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 8:40, closed)

'Merkin?

( gareth_alien will be human again at, Thu 29 Jan 2009, 9:08, closed)