She said, she said "you don't know shit, because you've never been there"…

In my youth, I used to frequent the gigging scene, and one band that I particularly liked were called ‘The Wonder Stuff’.

So you can imagine, it was with great delight that to celebrate passing our exams we got tickets to see them at the Aston Villa Leisure Centre.

With gleeful anticipation on the big day, we arrived early…before anyone else in fact…and someone must’ve spotted us waiting outside on our own because they sent a roadie out to bring us in, introduce us to the band and watch them soundcheck. That bit of the day was fucking brilliant.

Whilst we were walking around we got talking to the support act, a group of bloody nice fellas called ‘Neds Atomic Dustbin’.

After a while we went out to rejoin the queue, and got talking to the other people in line about our experience.

Although I admit I had never heard of ‘Neds’ at this point, I was informed that they were a) very good, and b) most famous for a song called ‘Kill Your Television’.

This was the sole information with which I entered the gig.

So the band eventually started and lo, they were indeed excellent. As they started playing the opening bars to ‘Kill Your Television’ the 10000 strong crowd cheered extra hard and I realised that this must be the song in question.

It’s important at this juncture to explain just how the chorus of ‘Kill Your Television’ actually goes…

In a hard, loud, grungy pop stylie, It goes a bit like:

*bar of music* *dead stop* *shout :“KILL!“*

*bar of music* *dead stop* *shout: “YOUR!“

*bar of music* *dead stop* “...“

*bar of music* *shout “TELEVISION!.“*

The gap in between the words ‘your’ and ‘television' are vital to the catchiness of the song.

I was not aware of this.

In the midst of moshing like a mongatoid marshmallow I was swept away by the intensity of the music, and was desperate to sing along with the chanting hordes…

Then I noticed my big chance – The chorus started and I began to recognise some words. This was my opportunity to become one with the hot, sweaty mass of band and crowd…

Before long there came the inevitable…

*bar of music* *dead stop*

Everybody shouts “KILL!“

Fuck! – I missed it!...right then, I know where I’m going with this song...I’m ready to join in…This is it!

*bar of music* *dead stop*

With my fist punching the air I scream a triumphant “YOUR!“

‘Yay!’ I think to myself – ‘This is brilliant! – what a night! – Nothing can go wrong!’

*bar of music* *dead stop* “...“

At this point, the band tightly perform a perfect dead stop. 10000 fans jam their mouths completely shut and the huge building instantly plunges into complete and total silence…

…except me…who shouts “TELEVISION!....Woo!!!... ooh fucking hell ” at the top of my phenomenally loud, lung bursting voice.

The band bailed me out by continuing the song but even they were laughing at me. As for everyone else, following bouts of hysterical bladder-exploding laughter they simply backed off, distancing themselves to such an effect that after about 30 seconds there was a complete 6ft circle of space around me in the middle of the packed mosh pit, such was everyone’s determination to have absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever.

And I stood there…alone…with nothing to keep me company but a permanent scar on my memory and a face glowing so brightly that it put the lightshow to shame.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:00, 5 replies)

I do this on purpose
Whenever I'm force to go to church, but I'm twat like that!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:10, closed)

He he he.
I was singing that song to myself yesterday. Ned's are great.
( Moey, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:12, closed)

Neds
Aaah I remember the Neds! I was at Wolves Poly (Dudley campus) in the late 1980s/early 90s and they were part of the West Midlands scene along with the Sandkings, Wonder Stuff, Pop Will Eat Itself etc. What a great time it was, Bass Thing from the Stuffies used to hang out at the Nelson Mandela bar (I kid you not) on the Wolves campus.

Sigh... those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end.

And then when I bought my house 10 years ago the Neds guitarist was among my neighbours. Life is odd.

Dktr S
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 28 Nov 2008, 15:12, closed)

I think you can be forgiven
for not knowing the ettiquette required at a gig for a band that no one bar those 10,000 people present have actually heard of.
(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 12:22, closed)

I nearly killed the singer from Neds
Silly fucker was trying to cross a road in Liverpool to get back to Planet X where he was due to play that night - he legged it across the road and then saw the poonsmobile bearing down on him. I slammed on the brakes and stopped with him standing on the white line right next to my drivers door - I wound down the window - said "Alright Jonn seeya in the club" and tootled off. Top band - saw them many times after.
/grebo blog
(thereisnopoons until, Sat 29 Nov 2008, 20:29, closed)