Being the evil stepfather
The most recent time I cried was a few weeks ago. Me and Setimrette (future Mrs.) decided to take her two girls, 9 and 12, out for lunch. Attitudes were marginal at best, and got worse in the car. 9 complaining that she couldn't hear the car radio, 12 turning up her CD player to drown out 9, telling her to shut up every 10 seconds and 9 just getting more insistent. Me not saying anything until... SNAP! yelling, turning the car around with crying girls all the way back home.

Much wailing and gnashing of teeth at home.

The tears came soon afterward, as I realized I will not always keep my cool with the kids. Realizing that I have a lot of my father in me (much as I love him he can be a hothead) and I am acting just like him. Wanting so much to be the perfect father that they never had (they never had a real father at all), wanting them to know they are loved and to be loved by them. Not wanting them to think of me as the cori bustard that stole mom and made them move away from their friends and yells at them without warning. Mourning the loss of the illusion that I will always be perfect with them.

Damn being human! I hate it.
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 14 Apr 2005, 17:32, Reply)