Not really the last time, but it might make people laugh
Woke up in hospital just outside Prague after an ill-advised Absinthe binge. Later found out I’d been found in a pool of blood and carted off in an ambulance. At Accident and Emergency they cleaned me up and realised it was just a broken nose, so I went to a drying-out clinic where they did blood tests and then on to Intensive Care when my blood-alcohol levels came back.
When I woke up I got up to leave and felt something on my arm – a drip needle, which I promptly removed. Went to get up again, and felt something on my chest – the ECG pads – peeled them off. Went to get up again, and, ehh? What’s that? Lifted the covers and saw the catheter, which I removed. Now doctors wince when I tell this story, because unbeknownst to me at the time, catheters have a bubble that’s inflated after insertion and deflated before it’s removed. I pulled the catheter, with bubble still inflated (to the size of a small grape) all the way out. Apparently lucky not to do lasting damage, I cried each time I pissed for two days after. Apologise for length? – I was more sorry for each painful inch than you’ll ever be.
(Scoobs, Fri 15 Apr 2005, 9:52, Reply)