I hate customers
Humanity in general has a lot to answer for.

Stupid wobbly meatbags.

Anyway, I've done a fair bit of bar work, as a shift manager, in the past, and the worst thing about it is the people.
I find it hard to work a shift sober.

People are fuckin' rubbish.

The mush-brained money-wavers... No, it won't make me serve you any quicker, if anything I'll decline to serve you, pour myself a drink, sip it slowly and then think about getting on to you.

The scumbag city-boys that think I'll be impressed when they wave a fifty.

No, I'm not impressed, it rapes my till-change. Also, you're a cunt. Good work.

The ones who change their mind when you've already poured out their double Malibu and coke... "Oh... Can I have a vodka instead?"
No, you can't. You dumb fucking slab of beef.

And the fuckers who don't say please or thank you.
They're the ones who get the dirty glass.
With cobwebs in it. And get the wrong change.

There was one old man who decided he'd get served quicker if he shouted "Sonny! Sonny! Give me a pint of IPA! Oi, Sonny!"
Over and over again... Whilst people were 3-deep at the bar.
After the first couple of minutes it really got to me.
A few minutes after that I lost patience and walked over to him.

"Excuse me sir I'm afraid that I can't make a judgement as to your age. Do you have any identification?"

He looked at me, incredulously and replied "Of course I don't, I'm 67."

I shrugged and said "I'm afraid that I can't risk the licence, and I don't feel comfortable making the call as to your age. I'm not going to be serving you."

He stared for a few seconds before screaming "I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAG-"
"I am the manager," I cut in "You're crowding the bar, can you leave please"

He did leave.
A lot of customers congratulated me that night.
( Cawl, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:55, 6 replies)

IDing a pensioner
that is pure genius
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 16:10, closed)

hehe
Well surprisingly I agree with all of this :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 16:29, closed)

Quality!!!!

Just because they're old they seem to think that gives them a right to be served before anyone else, stupid old fuckers!!
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 16:35, closed)

You forgot one!
'£2.90 please'

*gives you £7.60 in loose change and puts it on the bar in a small beer puddle so it's almost impossible to pick up*
(Cockney_Jesus is targetting your mum in V.A.T.S!, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 17:12, closed)

Oh Jesus
You're right!
( Cawl, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 18:15, closed)

Heh.
Kaol, you're a bastard. But a nice one...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 6 Sep 2008, 18:58, closed)