Here's a good one from the aisles of my local Asda a few weeks back
The customer service desk was dealing with its usual tasks of changing faulty goods and sending a number of Smart Price electricals to be buried in a pit before they exploded when one of the local scumbags walks up and slams his fists down onto the counter:

Chav: I've just been in your store and picked up some bleach, the top has fallen off and spilt all over me finest Burberry and burning me skin

Asda Worker: What?

Chav: Look (removes his battered top to show his pasty white chest has got a nasty looking red mark over it)

Asda Worker: Oh, two seconds let me get my boss

Chav: Whatcha gonna do about it Im gonna sue you for this!!!!

Asda Worker: Aren't you more bothered about what it's going to do to your skin?

(a crowd starts to gather around the chav who is starting to enjoy this moment)

Boss: Bloody Hell! What happened?

Chav: Ah told you I was picking it up off the shelf and it spilled all over me, you better get ready for the payout

(As the little chav does his victory dance the boss is pulled to one side by a member of the public who whispers something into his ear)

Boss: Right you stupid little shit I've just been told from a witness that you did this to yourself, we are just going upstairs to lookup CCTV footage and if this is right you had better not be here when I get back.

(Boss walks off and sure enough the Chav scarpers)

Why the hell would anyone pour bleach on themselves in a crowded supermarket and not get caught? Words fail me but I hope that the bleach did something permanent to his skin, twat.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 17:00, 4 replies)

What a loathsome little arsewipe.
I wish I'd been there to tell him he'd get a massive payout if he stuck a pair of barbecue tongs up his arse and claimed they fell off the shelf.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 17:07, closed)

pwned
Serves him right, the little twunt. *clicky*
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 23:24, closed)

twat
knowing what the average chav is like im only surprised that he didnt mix it with windowlene and drink it.
(welgar, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 11:28, closed)

Nearly as bad as one I dealt with...
... in the high-street sells-everything store that isn't Woolies.

I had a lady brought to me who'd managed to get bleach in her eye. This seemed rather improbable, so I asked her what had happened, while taking her to wash it out.

Apparently she'd picked up the bottle from the shelf and wanted to know what scent it was. Ignoring the fact that the bottle was coloured yellow and had "lemon" in big letters all over the label, she decided to take a sniff, so took off the lid and held it to her nose.

Unfortunately for her, this particular brand of bleach came in a special bottle with an anti-spill valve, so there was no scent evident.

So she squeezed the bottle.
(moogal has eggs, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 23:59, closed)