Just keep smiling
I'd been having constant trouble with my ex-manager after she'd got rid of me on spurious grounds so she could employ her brother-in law (stay with it, I promise it's a customer related story)
After months of low level agro, and one screaming hissy fit, she decided to come into the pub I was now working at when her pub was playing mine at pool.
Instantly she starts to throw her weight around. There she is being loud, waving a big-fuck off homemade jolly roger flag to support her team. Behaving like a total cock.
Somewhere during this charming night I may or may not have said something to her that reduced her to tears, causing her rather large boyfriend to ask me to step outside for a "chay".
Fuck knows why, but I merrily sauntered outside with him, where he instantly pins me up against the wall by my neck. He's screaming in my face about how I'm the most evil person ever and how he can get his mate's down from London to break my neck.
At this point my brother has come outside and is looking fairly panicked and trying to calm the situation down, when yours truly opens up his mouth.
With a big (albeit very fucking scared) shit eating grin creeping across my face I reply "Well. I've got some mates in the pub who'll willingly break your legs. And they wont take an hour to get here." At this point my brother looks like he's about to faint as he can't bear watching me get beaten like a ginger step child.
Luckily for me, one of my mates, who has offered me cut price leg breaking services in the past and is a large, psychotic, ex-army boxer, sticks his head round the door and asks if I need any help. Cue other psycho weighing up the odds and walking away muttering.
See, as long as you keep smiling and keep your calm all will be alright

edit: it's not always alright, as you can see from my profile pic, sometimes a cheeky grin and a smart answer will get your face rearranged and you wrist shattered in 13 places
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 15:00, 4 replies)

beaten like a ginger step-child
i hope you're happy, my monitor is now covered in orange juice :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 16:39, closed)

I know the feeling...
for what should only be for another QOTW, I was once kicked out of my local pub for calling someone a pedophile (I didn't, and it's a long and drawn out story).

Susiquently, I was seen drinking in another pub in the same village by the landlord of the first pub (who was absent on the night in question).

He saunters over to me with his 'right-hand man' and says, "I wanna word with you, outside, like NOW".

So I goes outside, at which point him and his monkey were rolling up their sleeves and trying to look menacing. I casually got my mobile out of my pocket and dialled my own home number (knowing of course, that I wasn't in!), after a few seconds, I started saying "Hiya mate, where are you?", "ah, round the corner then, excellent, yeah, got some bother with that prick, you know the one, from the xxxxxx pub. Oh, "he's" with you is he, bonus, yeah I'm in the beer garden of xxxx pub, so in you two mins then."

The organ grinder and his monkey quickly fucked off!
(dchurch bah, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 19:35, closed)

Saw your profile pic and story
Exactly the same thing happened to a guy who works at the pub at the end of my road ... you don't happen to live in sunny Sussex do you?
(Killer Vanilla puts the win in Darwin, Sat 6 Sep 2008, 20:09, closed)

@KV
I certainly do. In Lewes in fatc, so could well be me.
Wow, I'm famous
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 10:30, closed)