Crooner and Chimney
These two people culminated to give me the worst night at work I've ever had. Mostly one guy, but the other one certainly didn't help.

Twas a 5-til-close shift, I wandered through to the bar to find two drinkers and the colleague I was to relieve of duty. Instead of the usual casual greeting, I get this:

Colleague: "You in here tonight?"
Moi "Yes."
Colleague: "Thank fuck." *leaves hastily*

Strange behaviour, I thought, but I was soon to find out why.

Firstly, one of the drinkers - let's call him Fatfuck McStinkyTits - got kicked out fairly quickly after being caught smoking in the toilets. Might've gotten away with it had he not gone to light up right in-cocking-front of me. Yet he did, clumsily apologising when I pointed out his folly.

One down.

Sadly, he was not the trouble. The trouble was a 50-year-old clump of grease who fancied himself a jack-the-lad romantic... is that even possible? Overly fond of the phrase 'I defy the contradiction'. Let's cut this down to a list, shall we?

* Told me of his recent divorce (at age 50 I might add) and his failure of a son. Multiple times. Without remembering telling me the first time.
* Combined a pint of Tennants with a vodka and coke. Twice.
* Tried to convince me I wasn't an athiest. He failed.
* Asked me when I lost my virginity. Was so dumbfounded I answered honestly with a poker face.
* Went to shake my hand and wouldn't let go. Then sang to me.
* Did the same to other staff and people who went to the bar. (prompting someone to give their name as "Scott - as in 'Scott fuck all to do with you.'")
* Repeatedly said that he loved me like his son. Who he also said he hated for being a failure.
* Insisted he would come back to see me at New Years (then days away) - I would rather have eaten out Widdecome.

Finally left about 2 hours before my shift ended. Had to have a long shower when I got in just to feel human again. Thankfully hasn't darkened our stools since.

Great, now I've told that story I have to go stand in the shower for an hour and shudder.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Sun 7 Sep 2008, 0:20, 1 reply)

indeed
I like the use of "darkened our stools"
(forthejest thinks this is the Endgame, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 6:14, closed)