Today it's MY turn.
This weekend was a bad one. We've had the remnants of Hurricane Hanna come through with lots of rain, so you expect a few things to go doololly, don't you? So when my phone went out I was not overly surprised. However, as I have phone, TV and internet all coming through a fiber optic line in my back yard and I still have TV and can get online, having a dead phone seems a bit odd.

So I called Verizon this morning (may they eternally smell Courtney Love's growler) and got their voice menu system. After about ten levels of the voice menu, I get to the point of speaking to a human. "I'm transferring you to an agent now. Please wait... I'm sorry, your call cannot be processed. Please hang up."

Twice this has happened. As I'm in the office I can't scream my usual tirade of obscenities, so I've been using every bad bit of English slang I could think of. ("Shower of cranberrying wankers" was the beginning.) I'm sure that the people around me suspect me of speaking in tongues, or maybe of being possessed by the spirit of Bertie Wooster.

However, at lunch time I'm going to drive down to the corporate HQ in downtown and kick up enough of a scene that I'll make certain that they pay attention to me long enough to get this shit straightened out. And if they don't I'll go back there after work and curl out a nice big Richard the Third on their front steps.

Hamtouchers!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:36, 16 replies)

Er...
I've never, once in my life heard anyone use "cranberrying wankers" before...
( Cawl, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:44, closed)

Curl out the Richard
into a paper bag, put it on their steps, then set fire to it. That's the British way, my good chap.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:46, closed)

Well...
I had to use some b3ta slang in there. I really don't want to be snarling "Motherfucking cocksucking shit-ass fuckwits" in the office, as I suspect that the others might find this disturbing. So I have to improvise...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:47, closed)

Tel them your going to cunt them in the fuck.
.
( girlinthehole, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:47, closed)

Americans cry
If you say "cunt".
Fact.
( Cawl, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:49, closed)

I'd love nothing better
than to cunt them in the fuck. In fact, I'm tempted to tell them I'll pull their anuses over their heads and make them shit themselves out, then castrate them with a rusty spoon- but again, I'm in an office environment, so I can't.

Fucksocks.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:50, closed)

Go show them whose boss Loon!
Attack!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:54, closed)

I'll rip their faces off and show it to 'em!
I'll jam a golf umbrella up their rectum and open it! I'll feed them their own guts! I'll make them wear live animals as hats!

RRRAAARRRRRGGGHH!!!!!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:57, closed)

It warms my cockles...

To think of your broad american accent blurting out semi-english, B3ta-esque insulting obscenities...

It's like our way of 'giving something back'

*high fives*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 15:59, closed)

How about
slitting their eyelids with a rusty razor blade?

Pooflake said COCKles!

*sniggers*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:00, closed)

I admit
I've swiped a few from you, Pooflake. Fortunately terms like "wank" don't have a great deal of impact over here. Sadly, "cunt" does and would get me summarily fired, possibly arrested and generally in a lot of trouble.

Nonetheless I think I've thoroughly entertained my co-workers.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:03, closed)

That's Verizon
for ya. Almost as bad as the twunts at Sprint.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 16:53, closed)

Verizon
Scumbags.....I dropped them as soon as I could when I moved to VA from the UK. Worst customer service and a rip off for telephone service. Recommend curling one out on their doorstep.....as for their voice recognition service...jeez....
(chrismoo, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 17:04, closed)

On curling one out
In my (thankfully) last ever houseshare we put up an Aussie who had been brought over to play cricket with my housemate's club. When not playing cricket he did his best to further Anglo-Australian relations by getting as pissed as he could as often as he could, and quickly made an enemy in our retired next door neighbour. He constantly mentioned his plans to up the stakes by "doing a Mr Whippy", but it was only when he laid a coil on next door's doorstep that I discovered what he actually meant.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 17:16, closed)

Yeah.
Time for me to drive down there and get as shouty as Brian Blessed with hemorrhoids. I've been feeling so stressed this morning (due to other things as well) that I've been carrying around a pair of 1.5" diameter ball bearings to use as accupressure balls and have been rolling them nonstop all morning. If I really get the run-around, I'll have a couple of nice heavy things in my hands to turn into projectiles. I would imagine that a half pound of stainless steel would make a nice impact.

Spacktard belming twunts!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 8 Sep 2008, 17:30, closed)

Verizon vs ball bearings....can you hear me now?
Will look out for you on the local news tonight....might take the news off the elections...
(chrismoo, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 17:38, closed)