Some people phone Samaritans to have a wank
... because 0845 numbers are cheaper than 0898 numbers and there's a pretty good chance you'll get through to a polite young lady.

We end the calls as soon as we realise what's going on, but they keep trying.

I'm a man so I get fewer of these calls than the female volunteers do - they tend to be heterosexual men so they hang up as soon as they find they're talking to another bloke.

However my gentle, caring, Samaritans voice is a bit softer than how I usually speak, so occasionally they misinterpret my gender. It gives me great satisfaction when the conversation goes like this:

Me: Samaritans, can I help you?
Him: Ooh, hello!
[From the tone of his voice I'm already pretty sure he's dick-in-hand.]
Him: And what can I call you?
Me: My name's Ben.
Him: What!?
Me: My name's Ben.
Him: Uh.. *click*


(Posted under my spare profile to maintain Samaritan volunteer anonymity.)
( I'm usually someone else, Tue 9 Sep 2008, 13:24, 2 replies)

Why the hell would you phone the Samaritans to have a wank?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 10 Sep 2008, 0:26, closed)

Sex lines £1 a min
calling up the Samaritans and threatening to top yourself unless they talk dirty : free
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 1:41, closed)