atomic cunten
a friend of mine works in the "adult entertainment" industry. he dresses in silly outfits and goes to parties for hen nights, 21sts, menopausal baggages, all that kind of stuff. he enjoys his job and has taken me along for a laugh more than once.

one night, i had decided to go with him as we were going to the pub afterwards, so we were both eager for him to finish his work. we rolled up at the last appointment for the night, an ordinary, unassuming terraced house. however, waiting to greet us was none other than kerry katona, she of pikey iceland ads fame. "you're late!" she snarls. "what time d'you call this?" my friend looks at his watch "um...five minutes before we said we'd be here?" he answers. muttering to herself, she gives him the details he needs to fill out a presentation card for the birthday girl.
now, due to the fact that my mate and his colleagues have been attacked by drunken women countless times, company policy states that they MUST be paid BEFORE they go in, a fact which is fully explained during booking. ms. katona, however, thinks that this should not apply to her. she tells my friend she'll pay him when the job is done. she begins to walk back into the house. "fine," says my friend, "we'll just be going, then." the look of shock on her face gives me a warm glow to this day.
"you can't do that!" she shrieks, "we hired you!" "well," replies my friend, "if you want the job doing, i suggest you pay me." with exceedingly bad grace, she grudgingly doles out the required cash. "i think i should at least get a discount" she huffs. "sorry, madam, we only give discounts if we are running very late or we can't provide you with exactly what you wanted when you booked."
she really is going atomic now, her cheeks puffed up and a most alarming shade of purple. "the cheek!" she sprays. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM??" my friend gave her a quick up-and-down glance, before replying "no. should i?"
i really thought her head was going to explode.

she still tried to get extra polaroids and bottles of booze free, despite the fact that it would have come out of my mate's wages, which he took great pleasure in telling her, all whilst wearing an "i don't give a fuck who you are" look on his face.
pikey, grasping cow.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 3:02, 7 replies)

I read that as "21 stone, menopausal bags". Probably not far wrong in some cases.
( SteamedCleaner, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 3:07, closed)

yep.
they were the skinny ones!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 3:09, closed)

KK is not fat!
The fags, coke and lipo keep her slim :)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 10:21, closed)

she may not be fat
but she's still got a face like a bag of smacked twats.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 12:39, closed)

hehehe
'smacked twats'. Nice.
(bacontrout got ska, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 17:14, closed)

There was a time when I would have.
Now she's just another chavvy minger.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 10 Sep 2008, 20:03, closed)

what do you mean, now?
she was always a chavvy minger!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 0:05, closed)