The Customer (Services Officer) from hell.
Matt is a CSO. He's also my bestest best friend. He's also an idiot. I'm not going to litter QOTW with individual posts, I'll just do a "best of" here.

- We have a cupboard with servers and stuff in. For reasons I never probed, Matt calls it his "cupboard of pleasure".

- I once went to relieve someone on the enquiry desk. Matt turned around and said "well, I'll just have to relieve myself then!" (with giggles). Thinking about it for moment, he then adds, "Maybe I'll do it in my cupboard of pleasure!". There were two women waiting to be served by him at this time.

- An wee girl of African appearance came up to Matt, crying that she'd lost her mum. Matt gets on the tannoy. "Would the owner of the little coloured girl please come and get her from the counter". He genuinely didn't believe this was offensive.

- Sauntering up to a young girl he'd taken a shine to and saying "You'd make someone a lovely wife". Again, no idea when it comes to taboo. I think his head is trapped in 1930.

- Coming up to me in the Reference library (the only bit of the library where we can still tell you to shut the fuck up) and declaring loudly "did you know a pig an orgasm for 30 minutes straight? God, I wish I was a pig!".

If I think of any more I'll post them. He's a nice man really. And single, believe it or not.
(GONEism, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 14:46, 3 replies)

At the mention of the pigs orgasm part I had a vision of a femae pig getting filled like a ballon full of man pig spaff. I now feel a little ill. Could be the pot noodle though.
(Range, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 15:33, closed)

@range
I now have a vision of 30 minutes worth of pig spaff combined with a pot noodle. Cheers.
( rofl harris, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 16:14, closed)

hmmm
that's what a pot-noodle is, isn't it?

It's short for pot-bellied-pig noodle.
(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Wed 10 Sep 2008, 17:58, closed)