just for the pot..
When I was a kid, dad used to take me to Poole where he'd spend a good hour or so looking at the top shelf periodicals in WHSmiths so I'd go and have a nosey about at the kids pens, etc.

When he was done, he'd stand peering over the plinths and shelves calling my name at the top of his voice "DANIEL, where are yooooou?" it was sooo fcuking annoying and embarassing to boot.

Another of his v.poor gags which was funny as a kid, but not so there after, when the old abbey national advert was on TV, u know the one that goes "Get with the abbey habbit" he's say "fcuk a nunn.." god..

Another of my dads favourites was he'd sing "what's got a hazelnut in every bite?"
and we'd reply.. "Squirrel sh1t"

And to the day, when he calls me up on the telephone he says "Hellow, this is your father speaking.." Like i know who the hell it is.. sad thing about it is that my dad's partially deaf and I tend to mimic this and the way he says it.. i've found myself calling home and saying to my wife, "Hello, this is your husband speaking"... quite sad i know..

my next door neighbours dad richard, says this.

Me: Actually I was thinking about.....
Rich: "DONT CALL ME ASHLEY"

or...

Whilst talking and dropping in a word perfectly innocently which can be interpreted as a double-entendre he says

"dont be coarse!!!"
(ClaudeSchitter, Fri 12 Dec 2003, 10:41, Reply)