Drink plus dark equals disaster
I am an odd sleeper. As a child I would wake up in the corridor, on the floor of my bedroom or even downstairs having made myself a sandwich. Sometimes if I have been very deeply asleep and I wake up somewhere very dark I will not have the first fucking clue where I am, which is both terrifying and massively disorientating.

As with most QOTW answers this one begins with alcohol and a lot of it ingested by me, who was at the time an 11 stone slip of a teenager whose drinking prowess was purely fictional.

On this particular night I was completely smashed by the time I went to bed and I hate the dark when I’m battered because I spin, spin like Satan’s tea cups. The chap I was sharing a room with however was not keen on sleeping with the light on so he called me a poof and flicked the switch. The darkness flowed over me and bored into my eyes as I searched desperately for the smallest chink of light that I could hold onto in my fragile mental sleep. All I wanted was a sliver from the curtains, a crack under the door or even the cold hard stare of a LED on an electrical item. Alas there was none.

I rode the spin feeling more and more nauseous, but against all odds I eventually fell into a deep drunken slumber. Tradition would dictate that this would be the end of my woes as I would wake in the morning tired, headachy and feeling like a rabid racoon had made a home in my mouth and had an orgy with other diseased woodland creatures. This was not to be…

I awoke in the middle of the night, my guts churning, I knew the feeling all too well, I needed to get to a toilet and fast. I sat up quickly and looked around and it dawned on me, I hadn’t the slightest fucking clue where I was, it was pitch pitch black I was about to ralph and I had no idea how to escape my inky dungeon. Panic hit me.

There was only one thing for it, I leapt out of bed as I felt the first surge of acid up my oesophagus and made a run for it hoping against hope that I would find the door, what I actually found was a seriously fucking solid wall that I ran into at full drunken pelt. I bounced back off the wall and fell onto my arse and promptly threw up all over myself. Unsurprisingly this woke my friend who popped on the light to find me sat on the floor, dazed, naked and covered in vomit like some kind of auto-scatological perverted fuck wit.

He laughed a lot, and then turned off the light.

Bastard.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 10:17, 3 replies)

"covered in vomit like some kind of auto-scatological perverted fuck wit."
.....earns you a click
( The magic of chutney Shakes it like an Instagram filter!, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 10:19, closed)

I'm sorry but
I would have pissed myself laughing too. A bit like I'm doing now, to be honest. You essentially vaulted from the bed, hurled yourself at masonry and assaulted it both bodily and with your own fluids.

Bravo, sir! and *click*
(berk, Fri 24 Jul 2009, 10:42, closed)

And you - sir - just made me weep with laughter.
so clickies for you as well!
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 24 Jul 2009, 12:15, closed)