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This is a question The Dark

17,000 writes: Everything bad happens in the dark. Tell us your stories of noises and bumps in the night, power cuts, blindfolds and cinema fumbling.

(, Thu 23 Jul 2009, 15:49)
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spider-induced wank disaster
Lying in bed struggling to sleep, I had the usual sinister sexual thoughts and decided a burst of oxytocin will aid my slumber and began the usual rhythmic movements safe in he knowledge I had my 'wankrag' (bog roll)close to hand to clean up the inevitable mess.
After the gooey climax I reached out for the wankrag with my 'cum-claw' trying not to drip any rapidly cooling gloop onto my sheets, but alas It wasn't where i thought it would be ,so I flicked on the bedsight lamp, spotted it and reached out to pick it up.
As I lifted it, underneath was a fuck off enormous wolf spider, my involuntary movement, including an embarrassing girly yelp involved me doing another flick of the wrist! Only this time instead of aiding the emergence of the manpaste it served to flick it in a perfect arch right into my fucking eye!
So theres me stark bolluck naked hopping around my room with a cooling flaccid slimy cock and a burning hot-monacle trying to reduce the amount of stinging and trying to find the fucking massive bastard perv of an arachnid, never did find the hairy cunt, bet he is still laughing about it now!
(, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 13:51, 10 replies)
I clicked just for the title!
Spider-induced wank disaster, what an AWESOME name for a band!
(, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 16:20, closed)
I 2nd that.
(, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 11:27, closed)
cum-claw ??


i am going to see how many conversations i can slip this into tonight at the barrister's party i am going to................... there will be a lot of boring people there so i'll need something to cheer me up...
(, Sat 25 Jul 2009, 16:43, closed)
surely not
I would have thought that a barristers gathering would have quite a few public school types. I dare say the 'Cum-claw' is the publicschoolboy's name for at least one of them.
(, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 2:50, closed)
very Spanky-esque.
(, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 11:26, closed)
massive compliment that, cheers!
(, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 21:33, closed)
Spanky-esque? How?! Just because some one else dared mention jizz?!

It's short, to the point, true (I hope!) and fucking funny. How is this anything like a Spanky post?! Besides, I didn't get a boner reading this one ha ha

No offence the man Spanky, I like the ones where he mentions Manchester. I'm from there! GO ME! YEAH!
(, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 19:31, closed)
The bigger spids are almost always the girls, and definitely so with wolf spiders.
(, Sun 26 Jul 2009, 17:38, closed)
love it!!!
(, Mon 27 Jul 2009, 15:40, closed)
massive bastard perv of an arachnid
A lovely turn of phrase!
(, Tue 28 Jul 2009, 10:44, closed)

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