To the lovely ladies of b3ta
We interrupt this QOTW to bring you a special Valentine's bulletin.

I'm bored at work. I am completely underwhelmed. I want to leave! Wander lust is taking over my mind, and I feel like I can walk all the way from Brixton to Brussels.

The situation stinks. I'm in love with someone. I'd really like to root her between the boobs. When thinking of her, I unleash buckets of jizz from my creamy ankh-shaped genitals followed by the wee which cleans out my urethra. But because I'm such a big girl's blouse, I chicken out at every opportunity. But really, it stinks! The smell reminds me of my teenage years when I joined a gang who would rebel against society by shitting their pants (they were known as the 'pants cackers'). But secretly, I found it too much, so I would discretely give my self several arse-wipes. It's like I'm living in a bin! As if my nose is pressed next to a seal's bum and I think "This seal end reeks!".

But I have to look at myself and think "Am I a pussy or a vampire?". I really need to man up and badger myself to flirt using the correct grammar.

I'm badly addicted to her. I see her as the empress of my heart (AKA Madam the Fluffy Grandmistress) who can't get in because she forgot her password. Thinking of her gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling. I imagine myself being as happy as a little tulip dancing to a Celidh band. But the reality is very different.

Until then, I'll be crying so much that I'll have to be locked up in the loony bin. For me, there will be a special ward reserved for me - The dire whiner ward.


Apologies? Lengthy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 17:24, 22 replies)

Fucking hell,
for a minute there I thought you were talking to me. Can you please change it to "I'm bored at work"?

Ta.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 17:35, closed)

Consider it done.

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 1:25, closed)

LOL!
I was drunk when I read it and didn't quite get you were talkign to us lasses.

I lose!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 20:08, closed)

I really think
you must attend tonight's anarchists' speed dating bash........ ;o)

*spangs ever so gently*

*grins and clicks*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 17:45, closed)

Been there, done that
am drunk...
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 1:26, closed)

wow
blunderbus approach - nice
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 18:03, closed)

You forgot a few!
Mme Marlboro, grandmasterfluffles, becky letters, etc.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 14 Feb 2009, 18:15, closed)

I included them all
"Madam the Fluffy Grandmistress" and "buckets of jizz".
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 1:28, closed)

I always read it as
Becky Juicebox.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 12:13, closed)

Whadday mean it?
humpfs
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 19:22, closed)

The jury's undecided on this.
So you get a click AND a spang!

Nice one.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 18:16, closed)

Shh piston
I'm happy to not be included as I don't do valentines...least not when the guy I like is almost 100 miles away :(
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 18:17, closed)

Oh dear...
At least you have someone! I'm single, and well, you know.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 14 Feb 2009, 18:26, closed)

@beckx
But I did include you...

beckyjsbx -> jsbx -> jizz-buckets -> buckets of jizz

* dons spang-proof suit *

100 miles? Pah! I can cycle that distance in 2 daYs! (provided it's flat all the way)
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 1:30, closed)

You've soiled my name
you utter cunt.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 13:40, closed)

You smooth
bastard! Nice!
( SpankyHanky, Sat 14 Feb 2009, 19:12, closed)

Spakka
I'm very hurt. You forgot me. :(


But otherwise hilarious. *clicks*
(Poppet some assembly required., Sat 14 Feb 2009, 23:44, closed)

But I included you too!
"Am I a pussy or a vampire?"
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Sun 15 Feb 2009, 1:34, closed)

aaaaaaaaaahahah
There we go! I must have missed that. :P


My Apologies.
Extra clicks for you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 15 Feb 2009, 6:30, closed)

Loony bin?
Really. (oh I see living in a bin now)

Don't forget there are no women on the internets.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Sat 14 Feb 2009, 23:58, closed)

Here it is with the usernames highlighted in case you missed any

I'm bored at work (workboresme). I am completely underwhelmed (Completely Underwhelmed). I want to leave! Wander lust (wanderlust) is taking over my mind, and I feel like I can walk all the way from Brixton to Brussels (brixton bruxelles).

The situation stinks. I'm in love with someone. I'd really like to root her (roota) between the boobs (Tourette's ( . )( . )). When thinking of her, I unleash buckets of jizz (beckyjsbx) from my creamy ankh (ancrenne) -shaped genitals followed by the wee which (TheWeeWitch) cleans out my urethra. But because I'm such a big girl's blouse (big-girl's-blouse), I chicken (chickenlady) out at every opportunity. But really, it stinks! The smell reminds me of my teenage years when I joined a gang who would rebel against society by shitting their pants (they were known as the 'pants cackers (cackers)'). But secretly, I found it too much, so I would discretely give my self several arse-wipes (rachelswipe). It's like I'm living in a bin (Mrs Liveinabin)! As if my nose is pressed next to a seal's bum and I think "This seal end reeks (clendrix)!".

But I have to look at myself and think "Am I a pussy or a vampire (Vampyrecat)?". I really need to man up and badger myself to flirt using the correct grammar (flirting with badgers and The Grammar Badger).

I'm badly addicted to her (Maladicta). I see her as the empress (The Empress) of my heart (AKA Madam (Madam Marlboro) the Fluffy Grandmistress (grandmasterfluffles)) who can't get in because she forgot her password (Rakky (forgot her password)). Thinking of her gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling (warmfuzzyfeeling). I imagine myself being as happy as a little tulip (happylittletulip) dancing to a Celidh band (crackhouseceilidhband). But the reality is very different.

Until then, I'll be crying so much that I'll have to be locked up in the loony bin. For me, there will be a special ward reserved for me - The dire whiner ward.


Apologies? Lengthy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:32, closed)

And before anyone asks
No, there are no hidden messages.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 9:33, closed)