Valentines Day....
I won't bore you all with a long story, embellishing all the details to the point of obvious fallacy. What I will do is give you a blow by blow account of what happened to make it the most unsuccessful but memorable valentines day in a long time.

1) Wake up and I suprise her with a teddy and lovely red rose.

2) Make her breakfast in bed and have a little 'cuddle'

3) Give her a card and a box of choccies

4) Enjoyed each others company for the day, watching films cuddled up on the sofa, went for a lovely walk as the sun was out for a couple of minutes.

5) Took her out for a nice, expensive, meal which was VERY romantic

6) Got back home and I wanted a shower

Now - this is where things start to go horribly wrong.....

7) I am showering and she is sat talking to me / watching me lather up. We dont have an attachment to clip to the wall so have to hold the shower head and kinda rinse everywhere.

8) I squeeze out a fart - only it wasn't just a fart I squeezed out.

9) She notices the micro poo and gags and leaves. I laugh hysterically, out of hilarity and embaressment.

10) I coax her back in to the bathroom when I have cleared away the mess - slightly more aware that the night of passion was going to be a lot less likely.

11) I slip over in the bath, dropping the shower head and getting her RIGHT IN THE BLOODY EYES with a high pressure jet of water.

12) She gets angry now and storms off.

13) I don't get any sex and nearly get stabbed with a toothbrush.

Bollocks.
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 16:47, 8 replies)

that's pretty bad
although highly amusing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 17:02, closed)

I slept on the couch
despite a lovely evening cos Im sick of the bitch keeping me awake at night with her fucking snoring.

I only see her on weekends.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 17:13, closed)

Ah, how romantic.
Nice to see young love blossoming, etc etc.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 9:55, closed)

As for me...
Wife forgot it was Valentines and went off to take our daughter to see her aunt!

gah.
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Tue 17 Feb 2009, 10:31, closed)

That's pretty bad...
...but I managed to get dumped by my long term girlfriend yesterday after being together for 4 and a half years. A right kicker the day after Valentine's Day.
(ShaunyBoi has been surviving fires since, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 19:35, closed)

You cheered me up Yay!
I got dumped too Boo!
( girlinthehole, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 19:37, closed)

ouch!
I might have inadvertently let my girlfriend watch me shit and then sprayed her in the face - but you both have my sympathy.

So close to valentines day too - what you do!
(Spangulum nailing your mother since 1824, Mon 16 Feb 2009, 21:19, closed)

My tummy hurts
from laughing so hard. "RIGHT IN THE BLOODY EYES!" is my new catchphrase. You poor thing.

I had a scramble VDay as my husband who usually declares a fatwa on "manufactured " holidays stayed late at work. I knew he wasn't going to do anything, so I hadn't either, only to come home and hear on the ansa-phone, "I know you've made some big romantic meal since it's Valentine's and I'm coming home soon with a surprise!"

shit-I had to run to the grocery to buy a romantic meal and a card, run home and whip it together after the kids and I had eaten chicken noodle soup at 5pm.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 5:16, closed)