Gore, blood and tumbling elephants
I set the scene: my best friend, when I was a tiny Snark of 5 years old, lived on a scrap yard. As one might imagine, it wasn’t the best place to allow one’s children to play, but my parents were sadists and I annoyed them immensely, so I was packed off to play there nearly once a week.

I have a scar that runs from ankle to knee where I cut myself on sheet metal and one on my inner thigh where I landed crotch-first on some discarded barbed wire. The gushing blood and pain wasn’t a deterrent; no – I just realised there was a better way to use this scrap metal. A small bulb of childhood ingenuity glowed above my head; I decided to use a slab of sheet metal to sled down a low roof.

In theory, this should have worked. In practice, the sheet metal caught on the roof, and thus created a chain of catastrophe. A nail on the sheet metal caught in my head and ripped the back of my scalp upwards. My bloody white skull was on show from neck to the peak of my head and I was quickly losing blood. After taking time to hide my crime of stupidity and illogical thinking (first things first when you’re that age: don’t get in trouble,) I finally got to my mommy – who fainted after seeing her lovely 5 year old daughter covered head-to-toe in blood.
In the end, an ambulance was called which transported me to the local hospital. A shaved head and over 30 stitches later, TheSnark was put together again.

Sadly, my Kindergarten Circus was but a week later and I had to hand in my coveted role of the Tumbling Elephant for fear that my stitches would explode and cover parent, teacher and children alike in sprays of my blood. Instead - what with these being the culturally sensitive early 1980s – I played the role of the snake charmer using my head bandages as a makeshift turban.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 16:45, 9 replies)

Nice!
It's a shame we don't live in such a culterally sensitive time now though. Only the other day I was asked to leave my local Indian restaurant for using a napkin as a makeshift turban and wandering around asking if people liked it and stealing their bahjis.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 16:49, closed)

Where you went wrong.
Did you even try to put on an accent?
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 16:58, closed)

Hmm
Now that you mention it, there is the slightest possibility that an accent might have been involved.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 17:12, closed)

I dunno.
Did you draw a red dot in the middle of your forehead?

What with all the graceful attempts to woo a different culture, I am frankly shocked they didn't appreciate it.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 17:27, closed)

Actually
There was a small smudge of tikka sauce on my forehead which may to some have looked like it was deliberate due to its accidental central placing and overall circular shape.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 17:41, closed)

Totally PC...
Probably got this from sickipedia...but hey.

Apparently we can't call Indians 'towelheads' anymore 'cos it's not correct.

It's not a towel, it's a little sheet.

So the correct term is: 'Little sheet heads'
( snee held his breath since, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 16:54, closed)

I would like to state...
...that I am a big wooly liberal, only I fail at saying the right thing and keeping my mouth shut. Essentially, I am a hypocrite.

No, I didn't get it from sickipedia, I got it from the darkest depths of my twisted childhood. Kids do stupid shit, and I was a stupid kid.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Wed 18 Feb 2009, 17:01, closed)

I think
that they were possibly referring to the joke they put at the end...
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:11, closed)

It wasn't a joke.
I lost my role of Tumbling Elephant to become a snake charmer - complete with a recorder, a bit of fishing line and a rubber snake.

It was 1982 in Northern Michigan, I'm lucky I wasn't also 'blacked up'.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 10:58, closed)