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This is a question Dates Gone Wrong

Ever gone on a date when "she" turned out to be a male university lecturer in his 50s who tucked his shirt into his Y-fronts? No, me neither. Tell us how it all went shit-faced.

(, Thu 4 Sep 2014, 13:13)
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Grill, Interrupted
Early 90s, on a Sunday afternoon train from Manchester to London, I paid the extra tenner to stretch my legs out in First Class and found myself sitting opposite a very attractive Asian girl. I fancied the pants off her the minute I saw her but didn't rate my chances.

Anyway, we got chatting and got on like the proverbial house on fire. Same sense of humour, same books, films, music - you name it, we bonded on it. Quickest three hours of my life and I was genuinely sorry when the train pulled in to Euston. But it was a foregone conclusion that we would exchange phone numbers and so she arranged to come over to Greenwich and we'd go out for dinner.

She worked somewhere in the City - can't remember what she did but I knew that refolded Mexican food wouldn't work and I'd definitely have to pull the stops out on this one. So I got a table at a new place that had just opened and was certainly not cheap.

She arrives, it's lovely. I have champagne chilled in the fridge, we go for dinner and... fuck me - it's like I'm being interviewed for a job. Actually, worse - it was an interrogation. Over dinner I am grilled (no pun intended but I mean grilled) about my job, my prospects, my salary, my finances, my pension - you name it, she went through it with a fine toothcomb. It was one of the most off-putting experiences I've ever had and by the end of the meal I just couldn't wait to get rid of her. All my erotic dreams of moustache-twirling seduction evaporated into a Money Box Live-type impotence. I walked her to the station and saw her onto her train home. Never called her again.

(She told me over dinner that her ex had just moved out one day and only told her by answerphone, which was by any standards a cunt's trick. Part of me wanted to excuse her undoubted paranoia and understand her need for security. The rest of me wasn't at all surprised.)
(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 2:27, 12 replies)
Click for title

(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 10:39, closed)
I fucked her up the arse in the pub afterwards.

(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 11:24, closed)
you must have a good credit rating

(, Sun 7 Sep 2014, 11:42, closed)
You only had to put up with her for ONE evening, Her ex had put up with her for Christ knows how long.
And you still don't realise that dumping her by answerphone was the only sensible choice.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 0:19, closed)
To be honest, that doesn't really hang together.
There wasn't the slightest indication of this on the train when we met. I should have added that she was in her thirties (although I was astonished when she told me - she could easily have knocked ten years off her age) and I think that after what happened she was just determined to find a solvent husband asap. It was put to me (much later, by another Asian friend) that this was a cultural thing and age was particularly relevant. Maybe so, but my upbringing has never included matchmaking on such a practical level. Thankfully.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 1:00, closed)
If she was a Japanese bint
than I'm not surprised at all. I've been to job interviews that were easier to get through.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 10:39, closed)
We WARNED you that Babymetal would have security, but you STILL tried to kidnap them anyway.

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 16:26, closed)
But there WAS indication of it on the date. She TOLD you about it.
You WROTE that she TOLD you about it RIGHT UP THERE.
Fucking hell, do you have the memory span of a goldfish or something?
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 16:24, closed)

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 17:02, closed)
Excellent punnage. I doff my boater!

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 10:19, closed)

All you had to do was lie.
(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 13:44, closed)
But my reputation would have been left in tatters...

(, Mon 8 Sep 2014, 14:04, closed)

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