Just remembered something that might vaguely qualify as a story.
I'm a member of a social networking site that's not Facebook, nor is it a dating site. The aim of said networking site is to get people off their fat arses in front of the telly and out into the real world where they might actually meet other people and have what radical elements call a 'life'. As part of being a member of this site, I have set up a profile page, with a profile pic and some blarney about the sort of things in which I'm interested.

About six months ago a girl on the site sent me a message saying she liked my profile pic. It's not supposed to be used as a dating site, but some people do anyway, and I was single at the time so I thought "Why not? It could be the chance to subjugate some poon.", and we arranged to meet for a drink in a classy okay-yah bar in town.

She turned up for the date. She looked nothing like her profile picture, and not in a good way. The only drinks this place served were foot-tall cocktails with about a hundred grammes of sugar in them and enough marshmallows on skewers on top to keep the Ghostbusters busy for a week. Because the glass of my cocktail was so tall and thin and because I am a coordination-free mong, I managed to spill it all over the table top, drenching everything in sugar and attracting more flies than Piers Morgan's face.

So I sat next to this girl for two hours, and listened to her talk for two hours about one of the contestants on Top Chef. A contestant whom she stalked from country to country, following him on tour wherever he went. A contestant on whose Facebook page she left literally a dozen messages a day. I wasn't really feeling the chemistry at this point so I went home.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 11:15, 16 replies)

I hope you went an indirect route
to prevent her from tracking you home
( ferret -> twitter.com/syfyautocorrect <-, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 11:23, closed)

False passport, left the country.
Job's a good'un.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 11:28, closed)

Sounds like you both lucked out.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 11:40, closed)

How crass, those cocktails sound simply 'orrid.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 11:41, closed)

If i were president of Europe I'd make it illegal to call those ice and fizzy pop abominations "cocktails" at all.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:53, closed)

I have to concur.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:58, closed)

I bet you'd call Cadbury's finest 'vegelate' as well.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:59, closed)

I quite like creme eggs

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:08, closed)

That's exactly the sort of information you should be putting on your dating site profile.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:08, closed)

Just as it was getting interesting, you left?

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:48, closed)

It was easily the worst date I've ever had.
I know that can't hold a candle to some of the experiences of all y'all on here, but I can count the number of genuinely blind dates on which I've been on one hand.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:05, closed)

How come you can see your fingers?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 10 Sep 2014, 15:28, closed)

I can't, really.
I make a series of clicking sounds into my date's cleavage and measure her cup size from the echo.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 15:36, closed)

Gizza job!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Wed 10 Sep 2014, 18:32, closed)

Are you blind?
ARE YOU?
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 22:19, closed)

You're VERY mistaken about what b3ta's for.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:17, closed)