Sort of
When I was at college there was a large common between my local boozer and home. During wetter months it tends to be flooded, but, during the dry months it saves about twenty minutes of my weekly “stumbling home pished” time.
It is also a great place to have the occasional cheaky spliff while circumnavigating the roots and holes which I know like the back of my hand. I feel I should also add that this is before everyone had a mobile. When you were alone in the woods you felt very alone.

Anyway – It was on one particular summer night – with a roof of stars and a cooling breeze – I trounced through the common trying to stop the greenery spinning in my head.

In the distance – in a clearing I could see a coat. As I got closer, and things stopped spinning, I realized it wasn’t a coat, It was a body laying front down.

I stopped in my tracks.
Panicked slightly
I sobered up in a heartbeat (how the fuck does that work?)
The face looked ghostly under the moon light, almost featureless. It seemed twisted to te side and half buried in leaves. It’s a surreal moment when you are faced with a motionless body. Perhaps 90% scared and 10% nosey.

Tentatively I walked slowly towards it. As I got closer I started to take in more detail. It was male. He had a rope around his neck. The other side was tied to a broken branch which was lying half over him. I moved even closer then realized who it was. It was James, a mate from college who was drinking in our group at the pub. His girlfriend had just dumped him and he seemed really low. Surely not this low.

I could almost feel the sick rising up in my throat. I ran straight over to him. Heart pounding. Beads of sweat formed on my spine. I grabbed his body and turned him over. He seemed warm but motionless. His eyes were open yet they looked straight through me. A tear welled up.

“BOOOOGA BOOGA BOOGA” his face sprang to life and he screamed in my face “BOOOOOGA BOOGA”

When people say “Oh I was so scared I pissed myself” you never actually believe that they had pissed themselves. I did. As I stood there in complete shock my bladder released its load all down my legs.

“You fucking ginger cunt. You fucking ginger cunt”. I said. As he was both ginger and a cunt.

It turns out that after leaving the pub he had decided to have a spliff on the common too. He went to the rope swing that was there but it had broken, so he just sat on the dried leaves and smoked away enjoying the silence.
Until it was shattered by the sound of a pissed bloke saying “whoops”, “ouch” and “sorry” to the roots and trees he was stumbling over.
He knew it was me so he thought he would lie and wait.

So I didn’t see a body, but, I thought I had. That was enough.

Many apologies for length.
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 20:38, 6 replies)

What
a c***.
Ha ha ha ha!
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 28 Feb 2008, 20:48, closed)

What a legend
Click.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 20:52, closed)

lol
that's horrible!
(sinewriter, Thu 28 Feb 2008, 21:23, closed)

I fucking like this!
Big click for you
( RiverBlues Hello, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 0:03, closed)

Light
I like.

And it's a big change from all the grimness on here.
(calamarain just invented dehydrated water, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 11:18, closed)

Brilliant!
What a wanker, but still, hilarious. It's good to see something more light hearted on here *clicks*
(Wheeler back off Amazon, she's mine!, Fri 29 Feb 2008, 20:09, closed)