Have a repost.
I've been making a great effort, when talking to the ladies, to keep my answers short, sweet and to the point. Problem is you see, when I'm nervous I say the STUPIDEST fucking things and immediately regret them.

Example 1: Laura; My ex from when I was 17 moved back home for a while and seemed very keen to meet up. When we were 17 she was a bit religious and, basically, I didn't get any further than 3rd base. Now she was a bit older/wiser she knew what she wanted and wasn't shy about it. PERFECT.

SO. The first time we meet up (at her house) it was straight to bed :) We'd had a conversation earlier in the week about how many partners we had been with so after the deed was done and she was lying in my arms, her lovely dancers body against mine I say "hooray for number X eh?"

FUCK ME WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!!! I think.

It didn't go down well. At all.

But I'd obviously made an impression of a different sort so I get a second chance the following week. I go round for her and she's just out the shower. She throws on some clothes and it's round to mine this time. All goes well but as she's getting dressed she checks her pockets and pulls out her bank card.

"no need to pay me" Says I then instantly put my head in my hands and DIE INSIDE. 2 weeks later she had herself a new boyfriend and no more fun for me.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:00, 13 replies)

OUCH x 2

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:02, closed)

It was grim.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:05, closed)

My sympathies.
I once did something very similar. In a massively misguided attempt to ease the morning awkwardness after an unexpected coupling, I casually tossed a tenner onto her bedside table and said "Thanks for having me," as I walked out of the room.

It did get better, eventually.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:06, closed)

OOF!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:09, closed)

You could deffo have geezered your way through the second one...
something like..

"Don't worry honey, that one was on the house" and sticking with it.

Toe curling moments can be abolished by never regretting a single word you say. It's your ninble mind saying it and being funny, it's up to you and them to enjoy the gag.
(AndyC4m Eject Eject [><], Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:13, closed)

I thought it would go down well.
I knew straight away by her face it wasn't.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:15, closed)

Oh balls to it, what you said was funny
Sounds like you would be constantly walking on eggshells with that one.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:17, closed)

That could be true.
She maybe just reacted that way cos of my comment the week before. She was probably waiting for me to fuck it up somehow.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:19, closed)

could have been worse
at least you got laid. twice. most people that suffer this impairment of judgement get shot down by spazzmouth before the first zipper gets undone.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:22, closed)

I didn't get the chance to talk before hand the first time.
We went straight upstairs and she pounced on me, then told me she was wearing the underwear she had told me about on the phone while I was at work.

Excuse me a minute, I'm away for a wank cry.
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 15:25, closed)

either way a salty liquid is going to be coming out one of your eyes
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:36, closed)

She sounds like a bit of a bitch really
If that was me (girl saying it to me not you) i'd piss myself
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 16:37, closed)

The first one is perhaps ill-judged....
... but the second is fantastic!

She doesn't sound much fun if she can't see the funny side of that one. Really bad luck there.
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 17:51, closed)