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This is a question Desperate Times

Stranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.

Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.

What have you done in times of great desperation?

(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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urine + cold = no good
when we were 14, my best friend miranda and i went to baseball practice with her dad one freezing sunday morning. since it was bloody cold out, and we were wearing clothes that weren't too warm, we elected to just sit in the cab of the truck for the hour and a half.

during that time, miranda announced that her bladder was going to explode if she didn't take a piss soon. while she squirmed and grabbed at her crotch to avoid pissing on the seat, we did the math - finding a way to empty urine in a nice warm place > 5 minutes walking to the toilets in 4.5 degree celsius cold (not including wind chill factor). she made her decision, the only question now was whether or not we could find an adequate wee container.

our answer was an old mcdonald's cup sitting in the cupholder on the dash. it had a drink in it, so she opened the car door and dumped it out (...don't know what the difference was if it was pissy coke or just straight piss, her preference i s'pose). finding a position to squat into was challenging, especially considering the entire baseball field could see us if they were paying attention. i got to hold the cup!

miranda peed, but felt drip drying was too precarious considering the cold and the potential audience, so now we had to find the proverbial t.p., which came in the shape of a small package of barbie tissues we discovered in the glove compartment.

once it was over, she wadded up the barbie tissue, threw it in the mcd's cup and jumped out of the truck (with her pants back up, natch) to place the makeshift toilet not in the garbage, but behind the wheel of the truck... because the garbage was about 10 feet too far.

the great thing about it is, neither of us really felt it was desperate at the time... it was simply "smart".
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 16:23, 1 reply)
For the record,
studies have shown that an increase in dietary cholesterol intake causes a correspondent decrease in the rate at which cholesterol is produced in the body - thus meaning that consuming a scotch egg will not increase your overall cholesterol level. Plus, the high levels of zinc, iron and protein in a Scotch egg are kick-ass!

That's right, I looked at your website.
(, Fri 16 Nov 2007, 18:15, closed)

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