Desperate TimesStranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.
Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.
What have you done in times of great desperation?
(
Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
« Go Back
NOT MEBut back when I was in college, we had a tradition: if you were caught, um, tugging the third leg, you had to wear a single white glove in parade. Now we ALL wore white gloves in parade, but in a sea of cadets, its not hard at all to notice one hand, swinging freely with no white glove as you march.
One of my classmates had reached a point where I guess he had to seek release and he did so and used toothpaste (gel) as a lubricant. Apparently he had a minty scent about him for weeks...
SO one evening, I am on guard detail and the OG (Officer of the Guard and a Senior or Fourth Year) comes running in, face flushed and suppressing his laughter. It was 3am. Apparently, he was doing a bed check and he walked in on this kid, tube of toothpaste in one hand and the one-eyed trouser snake in the other.
It was Thursday night. Parade is on Friday. He had one glove removed before going out on parade and then and there, in front of the entire battalion, he was nicknamed: "Cadet Recruit Colgate"
[for purposes of clarification, I am not sure if you lot have Colgate, but it is a major brand of toothpaste over here]
Cheers!
(
Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 15:47,
5 replies)
Toothpaste?Ouch. That's gotta hurt.
However I can heartily recommend some kind of Boots No7 gel-based moisturiser (I forget the precise name) that a lady friend of mine used to apply liberally to my schlong before making me redecorate her ceiling.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 15:52, closed)
ColgateFor that ring of confidence.
(
chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 16:20,
closed)
My father in lawwas a chemical engineer for Colgate-Palmolive, and probably was involved in the invention of toothpaste gel (he also owns partial patent on Lynx and Impulse deoderant).
That's not what he had in mind for it!
(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 16:32, closed)
EEEEEEEYYYYYYOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!Enough said.
(Getting a blowjob after she's brushed her teeth is Altoid Effect enough for me. Rubbing it on direct? *shudder*)
(
The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 15 Nov 2007, 16:34,
closed)
ColgateGuy at school used it - said it was crap, but Oil of Ulay (or Olay now) was good.
Mind, he was called "dog Glopper" for reasons Im sure you can imagine.
(, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 17:16, closed)
« Go Back