The Motor Trade (Boo, Hiss etc)
Although I currently work in the nice honest side of the trade, the stories, the stories…

A few general bits for now...

There are models that we genuinely don’t want to sell you, as they are notoriously crap and we don’t want the aftersales hassle. But the bloody manufacturer insists on building the things, so…

Fancy something buckshee? Insist on picking up your car on a day that the salesman is off (as we get on average one day off a week and have to try and fit our entire life into one day, don’t be surprised if you insisting that we come in is not well received). Then blatantly lie about you had been promised item X for nowt.

Try writing a letter to the manufacturer full of complete blatant lies. That’s a good one. Most dealerships have to achieve a ridiculously high score on customer survey results or get penalised. You’ll get your £30 set of mats (from a deal with a profit margin of £20, and yes that’s not uncommon).

When a salesperson says ‘that’s as far as I can go’ on your umpteenth ludicrous attempt to haggle, this is generally true. Most new cars have a profit margin of 0-8%. So if you’ve got a few % off, a bit more for your swapper and a buckshee accessory, that is genuinely the lot. The pre-registered ‘save XXX’ have got fuckall margin at all. Be polite when asking – we don’t mind. Be a twat and demand 20% off, plus £10k part ex when your heap is worth £6k on a good day in poor light, and then go all shouty and claim to be a golf buddy of the MD and you’ll get feck all. Oh, and don’t demand ‘best deal for cash’ as it’s illegal. Try ‘best deal with no part exchange’ and you’ll get somewhere. Just don’t get the price down and THEN chuck in a part exchange. Not polite, you know.

Bear in mind as well that the person you are negotiating with usually has a basic salary of bugger all, has signed out of the working times directive, and is paid on retained profit. Oh, and may well be sacked for having one bad sales month. That’s why he’s called you back 3 times because he has a Manager screaming at him and threatening him with a disciplinary on a daily basis.

Company car buyer? Fine. Just tell us. You’ll get the brochure, and a nice play with the car. Just don’t expect the poor bastard to spend too much time with you because your company won’t be buying from him in a million years. Don’t say ‘you’ll get the servicing work’ and expect cries of joy – he’ll be getting maybe £50 per sale and has a mortgage to pay. Just don’t pretend to be a retail punter and take up half a day and then piss off.

Piss us off while we have custody of your vehicle, usually for something we can’t do anything about? Milk under the backseat’s a good one, as are all sorts of noxious sheeit in your air vents. Just like waiters, tech support and others, don’t be a shouty big time Charlie because you will suffer. Mwahahahahaha. Be reasonable, and we’ll be reasonable.

Rant over for now. If I feel fluffy later I’ll actually post some ‘secrets’.

Oh, okay. One for now. If you’re on a forecourt and there are half a dozen of the same to choose from, go for the one with the flat battery. Why? It’s been there for ages, and most dealers have a policy of disposing after 90/120 days into the trade. You’ll get a cracking deal on it: as long as they get their money back they’ll be happy.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 27 Sep 2007, 13:08, Reply)