My honeymoon…and NOT for the reason you’d think…
The present Mrs Pooflake is a veritable delight - I’ve been married for 9 years now and her ability to put up with my general all-round being-a-cock-ness is the stuff of legend.

(In the name of wobbly moist flaps, I sure as buggery couldn’t live with me…yet she manages it with aplomb.)

No, the reason for this particular disappointment is mostly my own doing (this next bit in keeping with last week’s QOTW – i.e some advice from this particular old twat):

Let me tell you - as sure as I’ve got a hole in my arse, if you believe hype and raise your expectations about things, prepare to have your hopes smashed into a trillion pieces by whatever you’ve been looking forward to ending up being so crotch-chewingly rank that you want to twist out your own gizzards and slap your pet guinea pig with disgust.

Anyhoo…

The year we got married was 1999.

The month was August.

However, I begged the missus decided in a manly way that it would be a far more jolly idea to have our honeymoon in May…3 months before we actually got married…in New York...despite the fact we couldn’t afford it.

“Why?” (I sense the collective B3ta throngs not really being arsed to question)…well I’ll tell you why….

Star-fucking-Wars-fucking-Episode-fucking-One.

The-fucking-Phantom-fucking-fuckfacing-Menace.

Now I am a bit of a Star Wars geek, and although I’m not quite in the ‘Going to conventions / dedicating my already sad existence to it / dressing up as Admiral Akbar (who actually looks uncannily like Gail Platt from Coronation Street by the way)’ league, I do love the films and thought the opportunity to jaunt to the good ol’ U-S-of-A and catch this long awaited potentially life-changing movie months early was too good a chance to miss.

Even if I did have to use my own honeymoon as an excuse. (Economy class ticket to Hull already booked)

At this point, the missus (who couldn’t really give a flying leper’s ringpiece about Star Wars) decided that this would be acceptable. (Like I said, she’s ace).

So off we trundle…nigh on16-odd hours of travelling…on a cheap flight of battery hen standards, to get to the cinema before queuing for absolutely bleeding yonks…and we finally get in and sit down…

To see a film that was the overhyped cinematic equivalent of ploppy poo-pants in pooey-glue.

…

*breathes*

…served on a plate of poo…with a side order of…well you get the idea. Call me ‘Captain Over-Critical’ but it wasn’t a great film by any stretch. Life changing? My slithering spunk-sacks!

I actually fell asleep halfway through and had to have my loud snoring interrupted by a (no doubt delivered with much love and romance) swift ultra-violent elbow in the ribs by the (already at this point) long-suffering wife-to-be.

The movie was soooo not worth the effort. Fortunately the rest of the honeymoon was quality even though there was actually another disappointment that happened whilst we were there…

(kind of a repost this bit – and still not what you think)

We also visited the World Trade Centre…well kind of. We walked up to the building and the missus said ‘Ooh, shall we go in?’ I actually put my hand on the wall and said ‘Nah, bollocks to it, let’s go to the Irish bar over the road and get arseholed instead. It’s not like its going anywhere is it?’

Doh.

Oh yes, I am a proper cunt. Make no mistake.

Other than that though, New York was absolutely scote-pounding-tastic and the people over there (despite their surly reputations) were fucking smart – about a million times better than your average cock-itch over here in fact. One day we will go again but until that day I still have lots of great memories of the place…it’s just that the movie wasn’t one of them.

If only George Bastard Whoring Lucas had pulled his hands out of his grundies and got his shit together it would’ve been that extra bit better.

Hey-ho

Length? – 2 hours plus with ‘coming attractions’

Oh…and ‘Hi everybody – I’ve missed ya!’
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:16, 15 replies)

Pod Racing
Why? What the fuck was that all about?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:17, closed)

*waves at PF*
Hello!

Am off to NYC tomorrow! yay for making me look forward to it more!

:)
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

LOOK!
He's back from the Queer Loch!

*dances*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:21, closed)

We've missed you too.
And I agree with you and several other posters here- George Lucas should be banned from the film industry, as everything he makes these days is a load of day-old wank.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:23, closed)

Flakey!
Have a click!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:28, closed)

@TRL...


Good to be 'kind of' back!

And you are so right...you'd think I'd learn my lesson but guess who recently got all revved up again waiting for the new Indiana Jones movie...?

Lordy I am dim.

*crouches in corner in the dark*

*rocks back and forth*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:30, closed)

New York's
fucking SMART, innit?

Are you still drinking that God-awful German wine, by the way?

x
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:31, closed)

Haha - YES!
Fucking George Lucas.

*sorts out firing squad*

Welcome back, Pooflake old boy. Will you be with us for long?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:41, closed)

@Monty & DIT...
DIT - Until my probationary period at work is finished (a couple of weeks away) I'm still only able to give my beloved B3ta a mild smattering. But after that I'll be back posting my perineum off

& yup Monty- I do indulge in the cheap crap Bosch-Booze. I also dabble with the Soave though and still regularly fall of onto the dark (but great) side of the heavy consumption of yummy Cider.

*hangs tongue out of mouth*

*goes to fridge*

*Finds shitloads of Dry Backthorn*

*Writes off rest of week*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:57, closed)

*Screams*
Yay! Come to my bosom my little ball of fluff and give your auntie blouse a big hug.

And try and make it to one of the forthcoming qotw bashes you miserable git.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 17:49, closed)

@BGB...
*Hugs back*

*lingers a bit too long near bosom area than is socially acceptable*

*Splurge*

yup indeedy kitten, I will endeavour to make it to one of the bashes.

and I will try harder to spend a bit more time on B3ta, boring the relative chuffs off everybody.

You guys have had it too easy...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 18:08, closed)

'Lo Pooflake
For what it's worth, I was in NYC at the end of July 2001, and we decided not to bother going up the WTC, as we'd done the Empire State...

Ah, well.

Good to have you back here, by the way.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 18:27, closed)

As soon as I saw the word "hype"
I knew it would end with Star Wars.
( HexShaped remembers when this was all fields, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 8:43, closed)

You had me almost laughing my
new threepenny-bits off there!

*hugs Pooflake*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 9:47, closed)

Yay!
Pooflake's back. And unlike the Phantom Menace, he hasn't disappointed...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Jun 2008, 10:16, closed)