As a Scot
feeling consistently underwhelmed is a national past-time. If we're not failing yet again to qualify for some international sporting tournament or other, we're dealing with political infighting and shitty weather. We're a nation of complaining individuals under the burden of constant disappointment.

But i'll still detail my biggest disappointment for your amusement.

Scottish women.

I've yet to meet a women in this country who has managed to be both attractive and intellectually engaging. There is a rule applicable here: "Attractive, mentally sound, single - pick two".

Because if they are, they're not single. My greatest disappointment is that i always get there too late - they've been snapped up by some lucky sonofabitch.

Gah.

*has an emo moment*
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 12:43, 30 replies)

^^
Being Scottish, I will admit to feeling underwhelmed to the point that I'm fairly rarely disappointed by anything undertaken in its name.

Anyway, using slightly skewed logic, you could say that pessimists are the happiest people; 99% of the time we're right and the other 1% we're pleasantly surprised.
This is what passes for profundity in my head.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 12:49, closed)

^^ Both of you
Indeed.

The two out of three thing is so true. There are loads who fit two of the criteria, but precious few with all three. Probably because, if they possess the first two attributes, the third one soon disappears.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 12:51, closed)

Ah, that explains it
I went to a wedding in Scotland this weekend. The groom is Scottish and the bride is English.

Also, towards the end of the evening, the groom's father spent about half an hour telling me how much in love with me he is ("Och, ye're my kind o' lassie! Yoorrr just the type of gurrul I like!", and another half an hour alternating between telling an amused mr tulip how lucky he was ("Ye jammie sassenach bastarrrd!") and devising methods of luring me away from mr tulip ("Ye wouldnae laike tae come back tae ma rrruuum, would ye?), all whilst drinking whisky. I spent the next half an hour trying to escape, greatly hindered by my vastly swollen, English head scraping along the corridor.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:01, closed)

^^
Ah, the florid Borders burr. How I miss it.
I've almost lost mine to Yorkshiredom. I tend to say "fook" these days.

*edit* although I did say Midomer Murrdurrrs the other week when I was covering my mate and mc'ing our local pub quiz, to much hilarity.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:03, closed)

@HLT
See, that's exactly the problem. Mr Tulip got there first.

(Disregarding the whole nationality thing. You live in Scotland. That's good enough!)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:32, closed)

Ah ken what ye mean
We're not just pessimists, we're very practical too. My solution? Married a London lass after a particularly satisfying Border raid.
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:37, closed)

@k2k6
Aw, thanks.

*offers Tunnocks teacake*
*and a stovie*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:21, closed)

Ooh - Tunnock's tea cakes!
*accepts with thanks*

But I don't think one can have a single stovie. That would be like having a gravy. Or a mince.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:32, closed)

I would pay a considerable amount of money*
To watch you have a mince.

*almost 0.6p
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:33, closed)

Humph
As a single Scottish female, I rather hope your pick two rule isn't true. Hmmm.... :(
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)

*Humph*
Such an Oor Wullie expression of irritation, love it!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:14, closed)

Utterly true...
That's precisely why I don't live there anymore. I always overlooked the middle attribute, hence enjoyed years of either a) having to stop them killing themselves, b) having to stop them killing me, c) having to stop them sneakily getting pregnant without discussing it with me, d)having to stop them crying every time they were about to have an orgasm (!)!)!) - no worse passion killer exists as far as I'm concerned). Fun times.
(rampants, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:15, closed)

@BK
Why thank you!

*flounces some more*
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:29, closed)

@moniker
It makes me nostalgic for my childhood.
Staying at mum's friend's house in Melrose, sleeping in the wee caravan outside their house plowing through ancient Oor Wullie and Broons annuals.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)

Oooh Melrose!
Sevens!
Men!
Rugby!
Shorts!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:42, closed)

@BK
Aw! But you can't beat Oor Wullie and the Broons. The annuals are just ace. It's something you should never grow out of.
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:43, closed)

@hlt
They lived across the road from The Greenyards, so if we could somehow get onto their roof we could watch the rugby free. Happy days indeed!

@moniker

They followed roughly 4 basic plots on heavy rotation, usually The Bairn getting the wrong end of the stick about something Granpa's getting up to. Queue hysteria, realisation, "Ye daft auld gowk!" etc.
That was half the charm really.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:44, closed)

What
an awesome childhood!
I do love rugby.

@BK
It usually is the simplest things in life that are the best!
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:45, closed)

^^
I agree.

I had an essentially simple, but very happy upbringing.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:50, closed)

^^ Me too!
Lots of playing outside, and make-believe, and building sandcastles, or dens, or digging holes....
Happy times.

God, I feel old now!
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:55, closed)

^^
I feel old. I turn 28 next Tuesday and I wonder where it went. Seems yesterday I was 18 and starting uni.

*weeps for youth*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:59, closed)

*bellows at BK from the wrong side of 30*
YOU. ARE. NOT. OLD.

I've seen your profile pic. You're 17. come on admit it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:01, closed)

^^
I've just aged well!
You're never wrong side of 30, I've seen your pic too.

You should see my brother; 26, greying hair, big ginger beard, still looks 12.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:06, closed)

28?
That ain't old! You have to be at least 29 to be old.
And many happy returns for next tuesday!
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:12, closed)

yup, 30 years and several weeks.
actually, 80 is old.

no-one here is 80.

therefore, no-one here is old.

woo!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:14, closed)

*points and laughs at old people*
Hahahaha!
( Cawl, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:24, closed)

@moniker
Aww, thanks *hug*.

@hlt - I like that thinking.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:24, closed)

Kaol!
That's mean! You'll be old too someday.

@BK
You're welcome
*hugs back*
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:27, closed)

I will
But they'll all be OOOOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDDEEEEEERRRRRR.
*runs off laughing*
( Cawl, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:28, closed)

Older
and wiser, and not quite as mean! :P
(Moniker, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 16:31, closed)