My mysterious rash
.
Many moons ago, when I was but a tiny witchlet, I developed an itchy rash on my back. Mum covered me in enough Calamine lotion to soothe an elephant, to no avail. On the third day, a trip to the doctor's was arranged.

The doctor examined my back and asked the usual questions. New washing powder (not unless they've invented a cheaper one), new clothes (it was neither Christmas or my birthday, so fat chance), new food (are you joking??)? Faced with negative answers, he confessed himself baffled. He mentioned a referral to the hospital for the "experts" to have a look.

My drama-queen tendencies leapt to the fore and I had a lovely vision of sitting in state in a neatly-made hospital bed as eminent professors scratched their heads. Experts would be called in from abroad and I would be the centre of attention.

Alas no. Picking up my sweatshirt to put it the right way out, Mum noticed some fibres falling out of it. Further examination showed rather a lot of fibres adhering to the fleecy inside of the sweatshirt. Then I remembered.

A couple of days before, Dad was putting down loft insulation. In the loft. Where better? The fibre-glass type. My ever-loving brother had grabbed a handful and stuffed it down my back. I'd shaken my sweatshirt to get it out and forgotten about it. Every time I put the sweatshirt on, I'd rubbed more of the stuff onto my back. Oops.

Mum unceremoniously stuffed me back into the sweatshirt and frog-marched me to the car, clutching a prescription for more Calamine lotion. In the car, she stripped the sweatshirt off me again, shook it outside and made me sit there, half naked, all the way home. She also made me walk into the house in a state of undress. In her defence, I was only about six.

She then tore a strip off my brother for stuffing it down my back, and off me for not telling her at the time. I was scrubbed down in the bath, the sweatshirt went in the washing machine on its own and the rash went away shortly afterwards.

My time as a medical mystery came to an end rather abruptly - I'd reckon less than five minutes. I was sorely disappointed. And itchy.

On a side note, anyone else who's mother cured every childhood ailment with either Calamine lotion or Milk of Magnesia?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:20, 12 replies)

nah,
just Calpol.
EDIT: *Lots* of Calpol.
(Axeman Jim, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

Castor oil
I thought she was joking at first. *VOMIT*
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:26, closed)

Stupid mum!
Mine used Bongela even for a stomach ache, don't ask me why she just did.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:27, closed)

My sister gives my 7 year old nephew Calpol if he's had a stressful day.
I might give it a go myself.
( girlinthehole, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:28, closed)

My father is a doctor
which means that my medical ailments were dealt with as they should have been.

It also meant that his bedside manner didn't ever really come to bear- "Oh knock it off, that shot didn't hurt! Look at this little needle!"

(Yeah, sure, Dad. Let me take that little teeny needle and jam it into you and see if it didn't hurt.)

My ex is a nurse, so my kids tend to suffer at her hands as she has the delicate touch of a bricklayer. However, they also know that Dad has more than a little medical knowledge and can generally take care of many of their ailments without inflicting pain worse than the ailment...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:29, closed)

ah scottish mums!
1. only a scottish mum would have still kept the offendng sweatshirt and tried to washout microscopic shards of glass - brilliant

2. calamine lotion is indeed a strong memory - those curious ribs on the brown glass bottle - i dont think they were even sold new without dried chalky streaks running down them

3. Germoline - honestly i could have staggered home dragging my own severed arm behind me...

quick dab of Germoline and i'd have been thrust straight back out into a 1970's SCORCHING summer* - with no shirt "to get the air about me"

4. i once had a brick thrown at me - i decided to deflect its trajectory with my face - i went home with covered in blood - result. I was berated for getting blood on my shirt

* Sunscreen? - dont be such a big jessie - its Glasgow not Gran Canaria
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:31, closed)

Could be worse...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)

Ah, calamine...
I (if I remember this correctly, and I may not) spent a few weeks in my youth covered in calamine to soothe the Chicken Pox.

*shudder*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:37, closed)

Mmmm calamine lotion
It's so soothy.

I might put some on later.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:40, closed)

Well
when I broke two fingers playing football and they turned black, my mum told me to run them under a cold tap for a while and they'd be fine. I did, they weren't, she told me to do it again.

To be fair though, when she sobered up she took me to hospital.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 15:47, closed)

Dettol
and iodine, for the outside, milk of magnesia for the inside.

Iodine stings like a bastard, at the time I'd rather have had infected cuts and scrapes.
(twoheads Is currently broke on, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 18:33, closed)

Ouchy
My mum's a witch doctor (Ok she's a reflexologist, aromatherapist and indian head masseuse, but we all call her the witch doctor), so all of my childhood ailments were cured with herbs, arnica and calamine.

Until the day she ran me over in the car and I insisted on proper pain relief via the hospital.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 21:00, closed)