My wife and the lawnmower
Her ladyship jacked in her job with the arrival of Junior Fister.

One summer, when JF was maybe 3 or 4, Mrs Fister suggested that the front lawn needed mowed.

"OK", I said, "I'll do it when I get in from work".

"I'll do it!", she offered with previously unseen enthusiasm.

"No, best not, you've got enough on your plate with JF. I'll do it when I get home."

I came home that afternoon to the following scene:

1. the lawnmower out on the front grass
2. grass only half cut
3. lawnmower cable cut into 2 pieces.
4. no family members present

I concluded that the dozy bint had mowed through the cable and OH SHIT I DIDN'T HAVE A CIRCUIT BREAKER FITTED! PARP!

Quite clearly she was dead, and been carted off in the meat wagon. JF had probably gone to investigate, seen his mum lying on the grass, touched her, and been handed a similar fate.

FUCKING HELL!

I charged indoors to find them both doing a jigsaw on the living room floor. Postman Pat or some such shite.

"What in the name of blithering cunty bollocks has happened?"

"Oh I started to cut the grass, but JF picked up the edging shears and decided to cut through the cable. I left it for you to sort out.", she explained calmly.

"Aaaargh. Don't you know how fuckin dangerous that is? You could have both been killed?"

"Could we? How?"

"AARGH!"

After a basic tutorial on 'Buggering about with electricity 101', she's never touched the lawnmower since. Silly tart.

How they weren't killed is beyond me. Needless to say I now have a circuit breaker fitted at all times.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2008, 15:42, 8 replies)

You think that's bad?
When my little girl was about 4 I left her watching tv in the same room as I'd left my phone on charge, for less than a minute.
When I came back in she'd disconnected the phone and had the charger in her mouth.
She took it out when she saw me coming, and said, 'I don't like this Daddy, it tastes funny.' !!?!?!?!

People shouldn't be allowed near electricity.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 15:51, closed)

^^
That is a very cute story.

I response to the main story, how did your son manage to cut through the cable without getting blown across the garden?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 16:01, closed)

@al
Lots of shears have wooden or plastic handles...
( Cawl, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 16:04, closed)

Al
I have absolutely no fucking idea whatsoever.

It still freaks me out to this day, and it's been about 6 or 7 years since it happened.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 7 Apr 2008, 16:05, closed)

@Kaol
I realise that, but a guy I work with hand augered through an electricity cable and the auger had rubber handles but he still got knocked over when it went with a bang.

Though, thinking about it, that may have been more from the shock than the electricity. Maybe my infinite monkeys could help me with an experiment. If only I had an infinite number of lawnmowers too.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 16:09, closed)

My mum
once decided that the cable for the kettle was a bit kinked, so she put it into a sink full of hot water to straighten it out.
Without unplugging it.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 17:04, closed)

Another reason he wasn't blown across the garden...
The metal blades would have created a short circuit, more than likely blowing the fuse. This is why lawnmowers with metal blades are actually safer than cheapo plastic ones.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 7 Apr 2008, 21:30, closed)

Vulcan
It was a cheapo Flymo with plastic blades. I now have a slightly more substantial Bosch with a metal blade!
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 8 Apr 2008, 8:57, closed)