Jacob the Egyptian
When I was in primary school, my eldest sister (a different one -- not that scrench who posts round these parts) had a boyfriend who clearly want to impress, so in the fortnight or so running up to the school summer fair he helped me make my costume for the summer fair fancy dress competition, to which, being a fan of Akhenaten et al, I had decided to go as an Egyptian Pharaoh. The costume required a lot of time, effort, white sheets and careful research to ensure historical accuracy. It was an impressive effort - complete with a calippo tube covered in foil for the artificial beard, and I headed to the summer fair like Thutmose III to the Battle of Megiddo, highly confident of victory. The only thing I hadn't figured in to the equation was my complete lack of self-esteem, and as soon as I arrived at the fair, Laura MacIntyre (who was wont to boast about eating her scabs)made a beeline for me, pointed and said "Jacob the Egyptian, Jacob the Egyptian!" This may not seem like very vicious insult (or indeed, any kind of insult), but I was the very self-conscious type and I looked around at all the ninjas and spidermans and felt (as I still do now) like a Sao Tome Lemon Dove amongst pigeons, and had to be taken home in floods of tears. Archie Johnston-Stewart won the competition as a chef, and my sister split up with her boyfriend a few days later. Last time I saw Laura she looked like a fat pikey slag.
(Svajoklis, Fri 25 Aug 2006, 13:12, Reply)