Sockful
After a particularly grueling game of football against local rivals 'College Heath', and obviously having scored a hat-trick, saved five penalties, and been picked for England but turned them down...ahem...sorry leftovers from last week.

Anyway, I went into the changing rooms and removed my by now 'legendary' boots, only to find my white socks were now crimson and leaking a trail of blood across the floor.

My teammates gathered round to watch grimly as I peeled them off to reveal the source. My gammy big toes.

The ingrowing toenails had really gotten worse through neglect over the season, and since a previous trip to the DR's had resulted in him injecting each toe about 5 times and then not letting the anesthetic work before trying to yank them out, I'd not been back.

When I got home I decided to grab some nail scissors and something to bite down on, and systematically set about cutting away the offending ingrowing bits until I was left with a little strip of nail in the centre of each big toe*.

It must have taken me about two hours and I was whiter than Casper's ginger cousin by the time I got out of the bathroom, and not through wanking my tanks empty for once.

They never have grown back properly and I've not had any bother with ingrowing toenails since.

* Please note, it is apparently far better to just cut a 'v' in the centre of each nail.
(Galahad is out of his gourd on yellow bentines, Thu 20 Jan 2011, 17:00, Reply)