My combined answer to the QOTW's for the year so far.
My girlfriend is a stunning brunette with massive norks who could be a model in Nuts or Zoo only she is too classy for that so she’s a nurse. Anyway, she has a habit of bringing a clean uniform home and wearing it around the house when her equally attractive and busty French cousin, who is a maid, would come and stay with us as a guest.

Only last week her busty cousin was staying with us at our penthouse mansion in 1960’s Dallas. The missus was wearing her nurse uniform and her cousin was wearing her French maid uniform and they were both cooking my dinner whilst I was writing a workable peace plan for the middle east whilst simultaneously solving the Goldbach conjecture.

Anyway, we had steak, egg and chips with little corn on the cob things and mushrooms. It was really nice especially the steak. I had mustard on mine.

The next day the girlfriend was complaining of feeling constipated from eating too much steak the night before. Being the shy type she didn’t want to go to the chemist so asked me if I knew a home cure.
I had a good think about it and came to the conclusion that if I shagged her hard enough up the Gary then that would loosen her up and make her feel better.

My girlfriend, who is a nurse, then remembered reading something similar during her medical studies so she hitched up her uniform and I went in dry so to make less mess, as she had already washed the sheets that week.

30 minutes later and I was done so I Zorro'd on her tits then hit a couple of last runs up her shoot to make sure. This fixed her nicely and she then happily went off for a poo.

I needed a wee after my Herculean lovemaking so scurried off to the other bathroom. Whilst there I had trouble pissing, looking down I noticed a bit of sweetcorn stuck up my jappy!

I called to the missus and told her about the corn and she told me to go see her cousin as she had a cracking pair of pipes and could probably suck it out.
So I toddled off in the nip to see her cousin. When I got there I found her diddling herself whilst looking at photographs of me winning the world cup.
I explained my problem and she readily agreed to help and started to slobber down expertly on my nob. 40 minutes later I spuffed really hard shooting the piece of cob out of the window and hitting some bloke sat in the back of a convertible in the head. I don’t think he was happy about that!

Anyway, I turned back to the French cousin and splooged another line across her pendulous jugs, slapped her on the arse and went off to watch the cricket.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 15:47, 10 replies)

This is actually more rooted in reality than the one about the bloke curing appendicitis with vodka.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 15:52, closed)

Watch the cricket?
Don't you mean play for England score a quad century and take all 9 wickets and then shag both Mrs and cousin with the camera stump???
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 15:53, closed)

Look, the man's OFF HIS TITS on MASSIVE DRUGS and fighting off drug dealers, give him a chance.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 15:57, closed)

The drug dealers
Were actually the 1979 Denver Broncos in disguise! They were angry about a soup bowl or something.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 16:03, closed)

True
A massive honda accord driving, super model shagging, massive drug taker's work is never done.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 24 Jan 2011, 10:28, closed)

This was in 1963
They didn't have hawk eye, snicker or hot spot back then.

And the photo's of me winning the world cup in 1966 were sent to me by my cousin who lives abroad, just to clarify the discrepency in the time line.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 16:01, closed)

Actually vigourous anal intercourse
can hasten peristalsis. And I can imagine that a thrusting cock could generate some suction... It's less embarrassing to ask your pharmacist for senokot than sodomy though!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 16:06, closed)

Of course it can
Nothing but the truth can be found here.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 16:13, closed)

Up the gary
A phrase I can never hear or read without giggling like a retard.
(EvilMeister, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 18:00, closed)

You forgot
Cheers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 21 Jan 2011, 18:19, closed)