I'm not looking at your bird...
The Razz, Liverpool. Student night on a Tuesday. Me and about 8 mates have been in the Scream pub watching the football and proceed to the Razz for much cheap beer and possible pulling.

Get in, and go to the bar. Standing, waiting to catch the eye of the bar maid, I feel my shirt sleeve being pulled. I pull my arm closer but the pulling continues, so I turn around to ask what is wrong..

You know that moment when in the second of bravado, you say something without looking first...

I turn and say something like "what the fuck do you want?" and I am looking on my eye-line at a pair of pec's that could serve a roast boar on each of them. He must be 6 foot 6.

"Have you been looking at my girls tits?" The living wardrobe asks. I have not even seen a girlfriend.
"No" I reply.
"Would you like to? Only £2 a look. A £10 for a blow job!"
"No thanks" I squeak.
"Why the fuck would you not want to look?...." comes the next more intimidating line...

I have never walked from a pub with greater haste..
(Strump striving for imperfection since, Sat 8 Feb 2014, 23:59, 8 replies)

D'oh! opportunity WASTED.
You could have shut his brain down completely by replying 'Because she's my brother.'
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 9 Feb 2014, 5:06, closed)

Also, I bet you WERE looking at his bird.
Clear eyes, nice shiny beak, glossy plumage.
OF COURSE YOU WERE!
TED, JUST ADMIT IT!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 9 Feb 2014, 9:29, closed)

GO TEAM PENGUINS!

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 9 Feb 2014, 14:36, closed)

I'd assumed he meant a couple of avians of the family Paridae,
such as the Southern Black Tit, or the Japanese Tit.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:30, closed)

They're good rates

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Sun 9 Feb 2014, 7:00, closed)

Well obviously you weren't looking at his birds tits. Why didn't you just tell him how dreamy you thought his pecs were?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 9 Feb 2014, 11:48, closed)

I had assumed he misheard the actual question
"You lookin' at my girl-tits?" since he obviously was staring at his steroid-induced gynecomastia.

Everything else is just him bemoaning a missed opportunity.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 8:14, closed)

I was in the Razz last August for a mate's stag do
they'd all been med students at uni there and they thought it would be worthwhile to revisit it.

It was ... interesting.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:34, closed)