bastard badgers
To all you city folks badgers are cute stripy chaps with sweet inquisitive faces. To those of us that actually have any dealings with them they're basically really big scary rats that want to hurt you and/or your animals.

I used to keep ducks - they're very useful in a small vegetable garden as they eat all the slugs and snails and other pests (apart from certain caterpillars) and they also lay rather tasty eggs. Plus when you're finished with them they're pretty delicious themselves. Not that I'd know as the badgers got to them all first.

One time I heard a big commotion from the garden and got outside to see a badger ripping the throat out of one of the ducks. I chased the bugger off or so I thought, and then went to kill the duck as humanely as possible. Then I realised the fucker had snuck back in and was doing its best to catch the other duck.

I was fairly annoyed at this point. I hate killing things, especially if I can't eat them afterwards. In my rage I picked up a broken metal post and lobbed it at the badger. I missed of course and the badger sauntered off without a care in the world. But the post ripped my hand open as I lobbed it and I got yet another scar.

Another time I got a bit of a fright when I tried to chase a badger off with a stick. I slipped over in the mud and for a moment it looked like it was going to turn back and eat my face. But it obviously couldn't be bothered and waddled away.

EDIT - I just remembered... when dusk started and we had to go and put the birds away to keep them safe I'd always have to say "STOP - badgertime!" A couple of years later and sometimes just after it's got dark I have a moment worrying that I haven't put the birds away...
(teasus likes tea, Mon 28 May 2012, 16:16, 10 replies)

BaC. they killed all my poultry once, just for the fun of it, didn't even eat the fucking birds.

( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Mon 28 May 2012, 17:00, closed)

animals killing and eating other animals
oh, the fucking humanity.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 May 2012, 17:20, closed)

^This.
I'm sure the badger targeted his ducks just to be a cunt, and NOT AT ALL because they were a convenient trapped meal.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 28 May 2012, 20:15, closed)

well of course
but in the heat of the moment I was quite miffed.
(teasus likes tea, Mon 28 May 2012, 23:38, closed)

was it you in my garden oh mighty badger?

(teasus likes tea, Mon 28 May 2012, 23:38, closed)

you can't prove nuffin, feesh.
I've got an alibi. Even though I don't know when it was. I don't even like lovely, lovely duck. honest.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 29 May 2012, 9:48, closed)

hmm
ok I'll take your word for it.
(teasus likes tea, Tue 29 May 2012, 12:55, closed)

Air rifles
buy one, magazine fed if possible, leave the magazine in, NOT COCKED!!!

A badger comes near cock the rifle, take your shot (you'll miss the first shot it's human instinct.)

Take the second shot hopefully wound it go out and put it out of it's misery...

Then throw it over onto the next door neighbours garden!
(fucknugget the third, Tue 29 May 2012, 4:16, closed)

although
killing badgers is illegal and bad I have to admit I was tempted on a couple of occasions.
(teasus likes tea, Tue 29 May 2012, 12:58, closed)

So you were outwitted by badgers?

( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Tue 29 May 2012, 14:11, closed)

yep
well I'm outwitted on a fairly regular basis by most things to be honest
(teasus likes tea, Tue 29 May 2012, 21:49, closed)

Ahhhh, c'mon
It's a BADGER. They're cute! And so wise too.
(K.W.A. Knickers With Attitude, Tue 29 May 2012, 15:04, closed)

could've been worse
they might have been Amorous
(weaselinajetengine, Tue 29 May 2012, 21:44, closed)

haha yeah
true
(teasus likes tea, Tue 29 May 2012, 21:48, closed)