This story takes place a few years ago, in Portugal for a friends stag do.

It was the second day of the weekend, and having started the occasion with the standard proceedure of making the first night the worst, we were all pretty fragile. I was by far however, the worst. The chicken kebab i'd consumed at the end of the night rendered me useless for the whole day, with the consequences of too much alcohol, and half cooked chicken being in full effect.

By order of the best man, I dragged myself out of bed for the start of the second evening. A hearty bbq over a few beers actually made me feel slightly better, and the confidence id lost in being able to retain my stomach contents from both ends had returned!

The theme for that night, was the not so original stag do idea of...a group of lads, dressed as women. I left that night, dressed as a hula girl, consisting of a horrible cheap wig, a plastic coconut bikini top, a grass skirt, the smallest pair of boxers I could find to try and keep a bit of dignity, and some flip-flops.

The pub golf was in full swing, and copious amounts of shots were going down. Moving from bar to bar was going well, and we had even started to gather a small group of girls who were keen to join the banter.

It was upon leaving the fourth bar that I felt the gurgle in my stomach, and the fear set in. What was in my stomach, was going to come out whether I liked it or not, and it was coming right then and there.

I ran across the road and ducked behind a car, dropped my boxers and my arse exploded. Of course on seeing me sprint behind the car, the rest of the lads (and the random girls who were there too) came over to see what was wrong. The only thing I remember at the exact moment, were girls running in all directions screaming, and a group of lads trying to catch their breath as they were laughing so hard.

I'd managed to produce some serious bum gravy all over the grass skirt i had on, and only had my boxers to clean myself up with. They both had to go immediately. The only thing I had left was the coconut bikini top.

So if you were in Portugal a few years ago, and saw a sorry looking drunk man walking home wearing only a wig and a coconut bikini to cup his meat and veg, that was me.

Oh the shame...
(Padsy, Tue 30 Oct 2012, 12:59, 1 reply)

Portugal - a few years back
Needs more Maddy
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Tue 30 Oct 2012, 13:18, closed)